The Turn of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Oroboro2
Summary: For the second summer vacation trip, the SOS Brigade visits the island of Rokkenjima. Instead of simple fun, Kyon and Haruhi find themselves pulled into a long abandoned game board. Knowing the fate of the island, they must race to solve the mystery.
1. Prologue

The following contains spoilers for The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (**Including novels 10/11) **as well as Umineko no Naku Koro Ni. Both franchises are the properties of Nagaru Tanigawa and Ryukishi07 respectively. This is my first foray into fanfiction, so I hope that you will find my attempt entertaining.

* * *

><p>"Kyon… no, this can't be real… this isn't actually happening, is it?"<p>

The scene displayed before us was unimaginable; truly, something dragged from the darkest depths of a nightmare. There was a design painted around the portrait of Beatrice in the entry hall: a 6 pointed star inside a circle. At each point of the star was a body, crucified to the wall with long iron spikes sticking from the hands and legs.

It was Krauss, George, Kyrie, Rudolf, Genji, and an old woman who must have been Kumasawa. Their faces seemed frozen in expressions of pain and anguish. Blood had leaked from their wrists and feet, dripping down over the portrait of Beatrice, giving the witch an even more chilling demeanor.

My stomach suddenly roiled, and my vision swam before my eyes. I couldn't focus properly, and the curtain rod slipped from my grasp. I could barely hear the wails of despair coming from the others nearby, but I was acutely aware of the iron death grip Haruhi currently had on my arm, as she leaned on me for support. It occurred to me I was leaning on her as well.

"Kyon… there's six of them… just like in the riddle. So Koizumi's story was… we're going to die, aren't we?"

"Haruhi, listen. Do you remember that thing I asked you to do earlier? Please, could you try to do it again?"

Could you try to wake up?

* * *

><p>It was summer, in the middle of July.<p>

Everything had been relatively normal up until now. After the incident back in April, I promptly resolved my time traveling ninja-gift dilemma, and nothing supernatural has bothered me since. The Sky Canopy Domain had yet to reappear, and I'm pretty sure I'll never have to see _that sneering bastard_ "Fujiwara" again. I've even kept in touch with Sasaki, although mostly just through the occasional text message.

As for the SOS Brigade, we've kept up to the usual activities. There was the flower viewing festival, a few more "mystery hunts", which mostly seemed for nostalgia's sake than anything. And, to my considerable surprise, something actually productive. Haruhi organized and ran her very own SOS Brigade fund raiser, to help out with the Tsunami relief. We did alright, considering we were just five teenagers raising money from a relatively mediocre school.

Still, there is now an undeniable white spot on the record of the SOS Brigade, however tarnished it might be. Do this 100 more times and I might even put it on my resume!

And so, these few months of relative peace and quiet have led into summer break. Thanks to Haruhi's expert tutoring, I was able to score far beyond a passing grade, allowing me to spend my vacation lounging around with the SOS Brigade, instead of studying.

…

So why did I feel so uneasy?

"Kyon! Stop staring off into space! Just because we're not there yet doesn't mean you get to slack off like that!"

Wouldn't it make more sense that way? Say, if I take a nap now, then I'll have more energy once we actually get there, right?

"That's just the kind of thing I'd expect a slacker like you to say! I thought you'd learned your lesson about working hard and getting good grades! All of that stuff applies to the real world too y'know!"

Sorry, but the only one working hard was you, Haruhi. The only way I could've learned faster was if Nagato downloaded the information directly into my skull. And what real world are we talking about anyways?

"The SOS Brigade! You're still the lowest ranked member, after all. You need to work hard and apply yourself! Don't think one little gift is going to buy you a promotion! Your brigade leader is not so easily bought. You need to learn from Koizumi-kun, considering what he's arranged for us this time! There's a reason he's the vice-commander and you're still a lowly grunt."

Pass! I've said it before and I'll say it again. I have absolutely no desire for my rank in the SOS Brigade to improve, whether by promotion, or just a lateral transfer. And I don't think it's possible for me to be demoted.

"Hmph!"

Haruhi folded her arms and sniffed, but it was hard to take her seriously. Whatever face she had on now, she was boiling with excitement and anticipation. In a roundabout way, this was Haruhi's way of jumping around in the back seat screaming "Are we there yet! Are we there yet!" Sorry Haruhi, but there's no way I'd perform whatever kind of unholy contract is necessary for a normal human like me to have your boundless energy.

Of course, her reaction is pretty understandable, considering-

"Argh! C'mon Kyon, can't you at least pretend to be excited! I mean, this is the real deal! We're going to a real haunted island! None of that nonsense about spirits haunting dogs, this place has murders, and mysterious deaths out the wazoo! There's a legend about hidden gold that nobody's been able to find! Supposedly witches and demons and spirits have been haunting the place for ages! The locals in the area won't even go near the island because they're too scared! It's perfect! Gyah, Koizumi-kun, how much longer until we get there, I can't take this waiting!"

Man did I call it or what.

If you haven't figured it out already, I suppose I can fill you in. This is the second annual "SOS Brigade Summer Vacation". Unfortunately, this time Koizumi has decided to up the ante. We could've had a nice, warm, comfortable mansion with all the food and games you could ask for, and then a fake murder mystery to keep us entertained. But instead, we're headed off to stay in a tiny cabin on a deserted island, completely cut off from the rest of the world, just because a bunch of people had died mysteriously 25 years ago, and later people made up a bunch of stories on the Internet about it.

Yep. This is the kind of "genuine haunting" you can usually find at cheap, roadside attractions. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Koizumi made the whole thing up, maybe even had the Organization leak a bunch of stories to make it seem authentic.

Well, no, probably not. That's a little beyond even him. Maybe. Plus, I think I remember seeing a late night special about the "mystery" a few years back. The only part that caught my interest was the legend of the hidden gold, supposedly worth billions. Now if I could get a hold of that, maybe this 12 hour boat ride would actually be worth it.

What was the island supposed to be called again? Oh yeah, that's right.

Rokkenjima…

* * *

><p>"Koizumi".<p>

"Hmm?"

"I've got a full house. Got anything to beat it?"

"I'm afraid not. Looks like you win again."

The two of us sat inside the boat, playing poker. It's generally not my game of choice, but board games don't tend to work well on a boat. Just as well we weren't playing for money, either. With the luck he's having, I could probably empty out his wallet entirely, and probably a significant chunk of the organization's budget as well. You'd think someone who keeps an eternal poker face would be a little bit better at the game.

"Kyaaaah! No, I'm gonna fallll!

That pathetic and lovely cry echoed across the deck, making me want to sprint away from the game and steady the feet of our poor, clumsy angel. It seemed like Haruhi was trying to get Asahina-san to pose at the bow of the ship, like in that one American blockbuster.

Nagato was of course, sitting in the corner of the room, reading a book. I could see out of the corner of my eye, that as the boat bobbed, swayed, and a few other synonyms for "moved around", her body and the book shifted constantly to stay level. All in all, you could call this a regular day for the SOS Brigade, if not for the change in scenery. Speaking of which…

"Koizumi. Just what is up with this island anyways?"

"Oh? I didn't think you were interested. Well, I'd be happy to share the whole story with you, but I was planning on sharing the grisly tale of Rokkenjima tonight at the cabin, when everyone can appreciate it. I hope you can wait until then; I'd rather not have to repeat myself.

Cut the crap. You know damn well exactly what I meant. What's _really_ going on here?

With that insufferable grin of his, Koizumi glanced out the cabin door, presumably making sure Haruhi and Asahina-san were still fooling around outside, and out of earshot.

"I'll keep it brief then".

Like hell you will.

"The mystery of Rokkenjima is just that. A mystery. Despite extensive research by both myself and the Organization, there are so many different stories, conflicting accounts, lies, half-truths, and other misleading info to find out what really happened. After all, there was only one survivor, and she kept her mouth shut until she drew her last breath."

That still doesn't tell me what I want to know.

"Don't worry. The island is perfectly safe. It's been thoroughly investigated by the police in the past, as well as visited by numerous occult enthusiasts. As well, the Organization has gone over the island with a fine toothed comb. We shouldn't have to worry about sudden pitfalls, sinkholes, or unexploded landmines."

If they happened to find billions in gold bullion, I don't suppose you could share some of it with me?

"We couldn't even find a single coin. I'm afraid whatever trace is left of the fabled "Ushiromiya gold" has vanished along with the fate of the family itself. It's possible the gold never existed to begin with."

So you're saying that this place is normal, and we're not going to find gold, ghosts, zombies, monsters, or even dragons? How about that slider?

"Well, I can't be completely sure about that. I mean, people did die here after all, and under mysterious circumstances. We may come face to face with a poor and lonely spirit, who only wants the mystery to be solved so it can rest in peace.

Yeah right. If that's the case, than I volunteer you to take care of everything if Haruhi happens to see something like that. Let's try asking someone who actually knows the answer.

"Nagato."

With a pause, she looked up from her book to stare at me, considering her answer a moment before replying.

"The island of Rokkenjima has several prominent locations with corrupted data space, evidence of data manipulation being performed on a small scale, and several other anomalies."

Great. So you're saying there _**is **_going to be a bunch of crazy weird ghosts waiting for us on the island?

"No. All anomalies are on a miniscule scale compared to the Integrated Data Thought Entity, and none can manifest on the level of anything resembling what you would call a ghost. I won't let anything interfere. "

Well I appreciate that Nagato, but it would be better if we didn't have to rely on you in the first place. If Nagato ends up bedridden or worse because of something as stupid as a field trip, I'll make sure you can't get out of bed either. Couldn't you have picked an island that didn't have data stuff going on?

With an exaggerated shrug of his shoulders and a mock bow, Koizumi plead his case.

"This actually is my fault, I apologize. Suzumiya-san caught me when I was doing preliminary research of the island, before I had checked with Nagato-san. As you can probably guess, she became extremely excited, and there was no option to back out once I found out the truth of the situation."

Good grief.

With a long sigh, I leaned back to stare at the ceiling, poker game forgotten. Both Nagato and Koizumi were positive that everything would be alright. However, the inexplicable feeling about this trip I'd had since this morning was now evolving into full blown dread, despite their reassurances. I'm reminded of that feeling when you watch a scary movie late at night, and it's difficult to get to sleep after. Not because the movie itself was particularly scary, but because you know your own nightmares have just gotten a bunch of new ideas and plan to incorporate them all into a terrifying experience individually crafted for your own psyche.

"Hey, you better not be spoiling everything in here!"

With a loud crash, Haruhi threw open the door to the cabin, dragging Asahina-san in tow. Wearing a smile that could power an EVA for an entire hour, she took a deep breath before loudly proclaiming-

"Land ho!"

You've been waiting to say that this entire trip, haven't you? Besides, there's no need to shout, we're indoors. Shouldn't a proclamation like that be delivered from a crow's nest anyways?

"It's not like this boat has a mast and sails Kyon! Although that would be totally awesome! Hey Koizumi-kun, do you think you could get us a ride on an antique warship sometime?"

He visibly blanched at that, and I swore I could almost see the sweat rolling down the back of his neck.

"Ah, well, Suzumiya-san. I'll be sure to look into it, but I don't think there are many ships like that in sailing condition. Even then, it might be a little out of our price range."

The budget of the SOS Brigade (Really the literature club), or the Organization's budget? Don't do it, next thing you know we'll be hijacking ocean liners with old cannons, and dying of scurvy. The last thing we need is a standoff between the SOS Brigade and the American Navy. Especially since I'm not sure who would win.

"Never mind all that! C'mon Kyon, there's already a great view of the island!

I immediately thought of quite a few smartass replies, and just as quickly discarded all of them. I'd end up going to look no matter what I did, and this really wasn't worth dragging my heels over. To her credit, Haruhi didn't drag me out of my chair, and instead waited impatiently for me to get up myself, put the chair away, and give the rest of the cards to Koizumi so he could clean up.

…

My first impression of Rokkenjima was a little underwhelming.

Even though we were already pretty close, the island was little more than a green blob. Maybe 5 miles across, it was overgrown in every sense of the world. It seems like we'd be more likely to find a holdout who doesn't know the war is over, than anything supernatural.

Maybe I'm getting worked up over nothing. I didn't sense anything ominous or unnatural about the island once I saw it. Even the clouds in the distance looked fairly weak, and at worst would give us a light shower, rather than a thunderous typhoon. Not that I would rule out another closed circle just yet.

"Wow, it's so big…. But where are we going to be staying? It doesn't look like there's a mansion there at all…"

The lovely Asahina-san was at my side near the rail, questioning the nature of the trip. Looks like she's been left in the dark again. Oh well. Haruhi, meanwhile, was leaning so far over the rail it looked like she was about to fall off, as if stretching her arms and torso out would make us reach the island faster.

"Don't be silly Mikuru-chan. The mansion isn't there anymore, remember? Apparently there's a one room cabin right near where we can land, that's where we'll be staying! It was built for use of travelers like us!"

Who actually travels here enough that building a cabin would be anything other than a waste of time? Wait, did she say one room?

"Aaaah, b-but Suzumiya –san… "

"What's the matter Mikuru-chan? Have you never slept in the same room as a boy before?"

Blushing furiously, Asahina-san made vague protests, denials and whimpering sounds as Haruhi continued to tease her. Having to sleep in the same, cramped cabin as her... Scared to death by all the ghost stories, she sneaks over to my sleeping bag in the middle of the night and—

"Get that perverted look off of your face Kyon! Yuki and I are going to be there too you know, and we'll know if you try anything funny! If I catch you looking like that again, you'll have to carry all our supplies to the cabin by yourself!"

How am I supposed to know what my face looks like?

"Because it reflects your perverted thoughts! Speaking of our supplies, we're almost there; I should go grab the stuff from the cargo-hold!"

With that, she ran off, leaving a bewildered Asahina-san behind. After an uncomfortable few moments, I tried to assure her that I was a perfect gentleman, and I'd keep Koizumi in line too. She stopped blushing, at least. Somewhat.

"So, Asahina-san. Does anything about this island strike you as odd? Any weird time pockets or enemy time travelers here?"

"Wuah? Time pockets? Oh, no, nothing like that at all. I don't know anything about this island… I'd never even heard of it until Suzumiya-san brought up the trip…"

How about your superiors? Maybe the future has already solved the mystery of this place, and we can leave earlier. Of course if they had, I suppose it would be classified, right?"

"Ah, well. I can check for you… Oh? It seems all of the information on Rokkenjima was lost after _Classified Information_. Ooops. I'm sorry Kyon-kun. There's nothing I can do to help you… Ah! You don't really think the island is haunted, do you?"

Ah well. I'm not really surprised.

I could hear the seagull's cry welcoming us to the island.

* * *

><p>When we finally docked the boat in a small inlet of the island, the sun was beginning to set. Seems like the boat trip was as long as I'd thought. Fortunately, the cabin was only a short hike into the woods. Leading the way with machete in hand, Haruhi blazed a trail through a path that had become fairly overgrown since the last time any humans passed through here. Apparently my facial expressions hadn't betrayed me either, as I wasn't forced to carry everything. I was certainly carrying more than everyone else, but that was nothing new.<p>

The cabin was pretty much just how I'd expected it to be. Small, made of logs, with a brick chimney sticking from the roof. There was a small sheet metal shed in the back, and what appeared to be an outhouse a little ways away. Great, no indoor plumbing.

"What are you complaining about, you're a guy! Besides, if this cabin wasn't here, we'd be setting up tents and camping, and then there wouldn't even be an outhouse to complain about!"

Eternally energetic, Haruhi immediately rushed through the cabin door, and began bouncing around the room, looking for places to put everything.

"Just who built a place like this in the middle of nowhere anyways?"

Letting the bags he was carrying fall to the ground, Koizumi leaned in close to whisper.

"Would you believe me if I told you the Organization built it specifically for this trip?"

Didn't we have this discussion before, the one about personal space and you invading it? And to answer your question, no, I wouldn't believe you. If you had said "The organization built this", I just might, but since you're asking it as a question, that means the answer is no."

"Ohohoh. I didn't realize I was getting that predictable. But you're right. The Cabin was originally built in the 80s after the incident, so the investigators had somewhere to stay. However, I had the Organization come in to repair and fix up the place, since it hasn't been used in so long. Speaking of which, I should go start up the generator. "

Well, at least we have electricity. Koizumi made his way back to the shed, and Asahina-san was already inside helping Haruhi set everything up, leaving Nagato and I standing outside.

"Say, there isn't one of those data anomalies or whatever at the cabin, is there?"

"Don't worry. All corrupted data spaces are located elsewhere on the island. Although we will likely run into several when we explore the island tomorrow, I will be there, and will deal with them appropriately."

That's wonderful, but I still think it would better if we didn't have to come to corrupted-data-island to begin with. Was thinking up another mystery really too hard, Koizumi?

"Kyon! Stop standing around like an idiot and help us unpack! You too Yuki!"

* * *

><p>"Well everyone, if you're all ready, I'd like to begin."<p>

Koizumi stood up and bowed theatrically, as if he was about to put on a one man play. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he really did rehearse all of this. All of us sat in a circle around the small cabin, listening to his every word. Some of us more eagerly than others.

"Thus begins the tale of the island Rokkenjima, and the terrible tragedy that befell the Ushiromiya family during October 5th, 1986".

Geez, what a ham. It was dark out, by now, and those clouds earlier had moved in, bathing the island in a light shower. At least the ambience was right for ghost stories. We even had a fire going in the fireplace, despite it being least 70° out.

"Of course, the story begins long before that, at the Ushiromiya family's rebirth, if you will."

Great, our exposition has exposition. The cabin really was pretty small, by the way. There was a single bed in the corner, a small table, a portable kerosene lamp, and a counter/cabinet combo on the other side of the room, presumably for preparing meals or storing stuff.

"Once a rich and powerful house, the Ushiromiya family was decimated in the great Kanto earthquake of 1923. Fractured, with many house leaders lost, the survivors came together with a plan. They found Kinzo Ushiromiya, a young member of a branch house, barely affiliated with the main members. They figured he would be easy to manipulate and control, as a puppet."

You know, decimate actually means to take 1/10th of something and… Ah, never mind. We were all able to fit our sleeping bags on the floor, although there wasn't much room to spare, especially with the rest of our supplies stacked up in a corner. Beats sleeping in a tent, I guess.

"Of course, they were wrong. Kinzo Ushiromiya turned out to be something of a mad genius. Not only was he able to cause the family's recovery; he manipulated his way into being the family head in earnest, and brought the Ushiromiya family to greater wealth and prosperity than before the earthquake."

Is this a ghost story or a "rags to riches" documentary? Thinking about our sleeping arrangements, I was suddenly struck with a suspicion that one of the five brigade members was bound to be a terrible snorer. Probably Haruhi or Koizumi. Either way, I'll be sure to "accidentally" trip over one of them on my way out to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. Or maybe I could ask Nagato to keep them quiet.

"The real question is of course, how he pulled it off. They say Kinzo sold his soul in a dark ritual, and through this gained an unfathomable amount of wealth, from the great witch Beatrice. Such stories aren't too uncommon of course, but there's truth in the story as well. An unknown, unsupported man was able to gain great financial backing and investors seemingly out of the blue, and accounts say he showed only a single bar of gold."

Is that all it takes? Get me one bar of gold, and I can just pretend I have 20 tons of it hidden somewhere else. Haruhi was of course, beaming, nodding along with the story like she already knew it all. Asahina-san was listening with devout attention, though looks of confusion kept crossing her face. I'm not actually sure how much she knows about Japanese history. Even Nagato appeared to be listening intently. At the very least, she wasn't reading a book. Maybe she was just being polite.

"Kinzo Ushiromiya, was by all accounts, an strange man. After he obtained his wealth and business success, he purchased this very island, and had his own mansion constructed. It's hard to say why he chose this island in particular. It's possible that his hidden gold was here – after all, 20 tons of gold isn't the easiest thing to transport discreetly. Or maybe, it has to do with the islands history, already well known for its evil spirits and demons, and Kinzo needed a place like this in order to further his studies in black magic."

Just like that, a low rumbling thunder punctuated his final sentence, almost as if he had set it up beforehand. Grinning like an idiot, his story was punctuated with wide and exaggerated gestures, which he pulled off with, I'll admit, pretty good timing. Hey Koizumi, if you like acting so much why don't you join a theater club or something instead? And more importantly, why did you suck so much in our movie?

"Time passed, and Kinzo Ushiromiya became more of a recluse; he began to shut himself inside his study, and became obsessed with the Witch Beatrice, who had given him the gold so many years ago. Perhaps he feared she would come back to take his life as part of the contract. Or perhaps he had fallen madly in love with his mysterious benefactor, and devoted his twilight years towards attempting to contact her again. He even posted a mysterious riddle for all to see in the mansion's entry hall, underneath a great portrait of Beatrice herself. The riddle was proposed to be the location of the hidden gold, or a way to choose the succession of the family head. Or maybe even a dark ritual to allow the return of Beatrice"

What, we don't get to hear the riddle? Ah, forget it; it's probably long and complicated. Hey wait, am I actually paying attention to this?

"This all sets the stage for our tragedy. Now, Kinzo Ushiromiya fathered four children, and each of them had a child of their own. Thus, on October 4th, 1986, the entire family gathered at the mansion to begin the annual family conference, where the adults would discuss business, politics, and unpleasant things like the succession, while the grandchildren would enjoy the time spent on the island, and the chance to visit their cousins. A small number of servants and staff were also on the island that day."

…

"That was the last anyone ever saw of most of the Ushiromiya family. As the boat captain sailed away after dropping everyone off, the island was engulfed by a typhoon that evening. Two days later, when the storm passed, and people were able to return, all but one member of the Ushiromiya family was dead. Eva Ushiromiya, the second eldest daughter of Kinzo. The mansion was engulfed in a titanic explosion, leaving nobody alive, except for Eva, who survived due to being elsewhere on the island at the time. "

What, that's it? Everyone died in an explosion? So there was a gas leak that got out of control, mystery solved. Or this Eva planted a bomb and ran away. Why bother with all that black magic stuff?

"Eva was of course, questioned mercilessly by the police, but she refused to speak of it, and they were never able to pin any crimes with her. As the new head of the Ushiromiya family, she seemingly had a lot to gain, but her husband and only child died in the explosion as well. However, the story doesn't end there. Several years later, a bottle washed up on the shores of a nearby island, and was discovered by some fisherman. Inside were several pieces of paper that recounted _The Legend of the Golden Witch_."

A message in a bottle, huh? I didn't think those actually worked. Of course, just because someone writes a message like that doesn't mean they were actually on the island when it happened.

"The writer of the story claimed to be one Maria Ushiromiya, the youngest of the grandchildren there at 9 years old. Her story told of a relatively normal family conference, enjoying the time she spent with her older cousins. This all changed however: Of the 18 people on the island, 6 were found dead the next morning. Their corpses turned up in the shed, brutalized beyond almost all recognition. The bodies were found, because there happened to be an ominous magical circle painted on the door of the shed. The first twilight had begun."

Another perfectly timed clap of thunder. This time, Asahina-san yelped with a cute little "Ahhh!", and started clinging to the closest person to her for comfort, which happened to be me.

I wish. Actually it was Haruhi, who was so focused on the story she didn't even bother to tease her.

At this time, Koizumi walked over to a farther corner of the room, away from the light of the fire. When he turned back around, his face was obscured in just enough shadow to give him a sinister appearance. Lowering his voice, he began to chant something that sounded like an evil summoning spell.

"At the first twilight, you shall lift up as sacrifice the six chosen by the key.  
>At the second twilight, the surviving shall tear apart the two who are close.<br>At the third twilight, the surviving shall praise my honorable name on high.  
>At the fourth twilight, gouge the head and kill.<br>At the fifth twilight, gouge the chest and kill.  
>At the sixth twilight, gouge the stomach and kill.<br>At the seventh twilight, gouge the knee and kill.  
>At the eighth twilight, gouge the leg and kill.<br>At the ninth twilight, the Witch shall be revived and none shall be left alive.  
>At the tenth twilight, the journey shall end and you should reach the village of gold."<p>

Let me guess, this means we fight the end boss, right? Sorry, but I think I need more time to level grind.

"That is just a part of the Witch's Epitaph, and the key to the resurrection of Beatrice. With six people dead already, the survivors were distraught with grief, confused, and unable to deal with the situation. They had lost parents, friends, and lovers alike, seemingly overnight. The killer had gone so far as to brutalize the bodies, and then mark the crime scene with an occult symbol, as if bragging about it. And of course, because of the typhoon, they were unable to contact the police, making it a closed circle in earnest. Not all together unlike our summer vacation last year."

Yeah, but that was all just a trick you set up. I somehow doubt six people can pull off a "we're just pretending to be dead" gambit all at once.

"Several hours later, the Witch's Epitaph had claimed its next set of victims. After retiring to their room to rest and recover from grief, the married couple Eva and Hideyoshi Ushiromiya were found dead in their room, with a strange, demonic looking stake driven through each of their heads. Further confounding this bizarre murder, the room where the bodies were discovered was sealed by a heavy chain at the time, another magic circle marking the room, and no evidence of anyone else being able to enter. Those who were close had been torn apart.

Wait, didn't you say earlier that Eva was the only person who survived? And this is awfully detailed for something written by a 9 year old girl.

"Truly terrified now that there was a serial killer in their midst, and not willing to accept that it could be the work of a witch or demon, the survivors became suspicious and distrustful of each other. Before any real accusations could come to light however, the survivors were assaulted by a terrible stench rising up from the basement. Investigation found the charred body of Kinzo Ushiromiya himself in the boiler, only identifiable by a peculiar birthmark that had survived incineration. As well, his corpse was marked with an identical demonic stake, sticking from his forehead. At the fourth twilight, gouge the head and kill."

At this point, Asahina-san was whimpering softly, her head buried behind Haruhi, barely peeking over her shoulder. How much I wished I could softly cup her hand and tell her that everything would be okay as long as I was here to protect her. Even Haruhi's expression had changed; from her tritium-powered smile saying she knew the story already, to the simple anticipation and fear you get from watching good horror film.

"Right after the gruesome discovery of the former family head, a young servant claimed he heard a noise coming from outside, when all the remaining survivors were gathered in the basement. Bravely, it is said he faced off with and challenged the murderer, but by the time the others arrived, there was already a stake through his lung. Still alive, but in critical condition, he soon passed away, despite the best efforts of the Ushiromiya family doctor. At the fifth twilight, gouge the chest and kill."

Uh, let's see, how many people are dead now? 6 at the first, 2 at the second… 18 people total on the island, so only 8 left. Pretty high body count.

"Determined to survive, the remaining eight holed themselves up in Kinzo's study, a well stocked room with only a single and sturdy door. However, during a heated discussion, a taunting letter from Beatrice herself seemingly appeared out of nowhere on a nearby table. Driven to protect her daughter and nephews, Natsuhi Ushiromiya drove the remaining 3 servants and little Maria out of the study, believing the letter could have only been placed by one of them when her back was turned."

Paranoia and suspicion can cause even more havoc than any murderer, magic or otherwise.

"Not too long after though, they received a call in the study. Apparently while the storm cut off outside communications, the internal ones still worked. The only voice that greeted them from the receiver was that of little Maria's, singing a children's lullaby from a distance, and not responding to anything said. The four rushed downstairs to find her. She was found facing the wall, still singing, while the phone was off the hook nearby. The corpses of the remaining three servants were scattered across the room, with stakes dug into stomach, knee, and leg. At the sixth twilight, gouge the stomach and kill. At the seventh twilight, gouge the knee and kill. At the eighth twilight, gouge the leg and kill.

It was time for the witch to revive"

…

"Little Maria claimed Beatrice told her to look away and keep singing, and didn't notice the carnage that went on behind her. Driven to desperation and rage, Natsuhi barreled into the hall, and screamed a final challenge for the golden witch to come and face her. She was armed with a gun. But it was no match for Beatrice. Her own bullets rebounded back into her skull, killing her instantly. The game was over. Beatrice had won. At the ninth twilight, the Witch shall be revived and none shall be left alive.  
>At the tenth twilight, the journey shall end and you should reach the village of gold."<p>

Wait, I'm confused, are we treating this story as a fantasy or a mystery? Koizumi smiled, and gave a mock bow. I unconsciously let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Still, the story could use work, and there are a lot of plot holes.

"Of course, the story doesn't quite end there. As you may have noticed, there are some aspects of this story that don't match up with what I told you earlier."

Like the part where it was all done with magic?

"This was just however, the story written on that message in a bottle. But there was at least some truth to it. Although most of the evidence was destroyed in the explosion, investigators were able to determine that some were killed before the explosion itself, pointing to a possible murder."

That's pretty flimsy evidence that wouldn't hold up in court.

"Furthermore, that wasn't the only account of events on that faithful day. Other bottles began to show up, with similar, but differing tales. Other people died on different twilights, and certain events played out in different ways instead. All of them have had certain bits of evidence to support their validity."

Out of the corner my eye, I noticed what was perhaps a half-millimeter shift in Nagato's eyelid position. Something about that last bit she found interesting?

"Allow me to finish with the final text of little Maria's letter."

"By the time you have read this, I will probably be dead.  
>The only difference will be whether there is a body or not.<br>You who have read this  
>Please find out the truth.<br>That's my only wish."

With that, Koizumi took another bow, and the room was silent for a moment, until Haruhi leapt up, cheering and applauding wildly.

"Wow! Bravo Koizumi-kun! You earn an AAA+! You sure know how to tell a horror story! Hey, we should make a horror movie during the next cultural festival!"

As much as Asahina-san would be the perfect heroine in any slasher-flick, the only thing audiences would have to fear from a film you're directing again would be dying of laughter.

"Now then, allow me to announce the reason why the SOS Brigade came to the island of Rokkenjima!"

Haruhi stood up, triumphant, getting ready for her proclamation. I could see her hand twitching at her side unconsciously, probably wishing she had a pointer to wave around, or a whiteboard to write on.

"The SOS Brigade is here to:

1: Solve the mystery of what really happened!

2: Find the hidden gold!

3: Put the spirits of the Ushiromiya family to rest!"

Oh, that's all we're here to do? Yeah, we can do all that by tomorrow, and spend the rest of the vacation on the beach instead. I'm not sure which thought bothered me more. That Haruhi expected to be able to solve what police and occult fanatics couldn't over 25 years, just by poking around some ruins for a week; or the chance that she might actually pull it off.

"Well come on, let's start preparing! Look, I've got a map of the island…"

Haruhi began bouncing around excitedly, pulling out supplies, a map, snacks to eat while she was doing so, and mumbling something about a plan that she wouldn't write down and only existed in her head. Whatever. I took the chance to excuse myself outside, for some fresh air. It was still raining lightly, but luckily we remembered umbrellas. After just a few minutes of waiting-

"So, what did you think of my story?"

It had some definite pacing problems. And you didn't really introduce us to the characters; it was kind of hard to feel empathy when you only give half of them names. Flesh it out a bit and you might have a decent novel.

"Ah, well. What I told you really was what was contained in that bottled message; unfortunately giving names, faces, and personalities to everyone on the island would've taken ages, and misses the ultimate point of the story. Besides, Suzumiya-san and Asahina-san enjoyed it, and those are really the only two I can hope to impress."

Next time just try jingling your car keys or something. Koizumi had opted to join me outside, probably sensing that I had wanted a chance to talk with him.

"Koizumi. Don't you think you're going a little overboard?"

"Oh? Whatever do you mean?"

"That we'll see an incident like making the movie. If she gets too into the whole ghost or murder thing, don't you think we might actually find some?"  
>Koizumi turned and stared at me for awhile, an odd look on his face. I was about to turn and leave when he finally spoke.<p>

"No, I don't think so at all."

What?

"Suzumiya-san has been remarkably stable this whole year. Even with the hiccup in April, it's a far cry from anything we've seen from her before. In my personal opinion, as long as things stay the way they are, we'll probably never have to worry about an incident like the movie again."

What, she's lost her powers? Congratulations, you can have your weekends back. Go get a girlfriend or something; you could really use something to take the edge off.

"Perhaps you know some cute girls you'd like to introduce me too? But no, really. Suzumiya-san hasn't lost her powers, but she doesn't use them like she used to. I'm convinced that she doesn't really want to solve the mystery or find hidden gold, but she does want to spend the week with all of us searching for them."

I see. So to borrow a common cliché, she doesn't care about the destination anymore, just the journey? Sounds like a good way to walk straight off a cliff.

"That's a fairly apt way of putting it. In any case, there's no need to worry."

"Kyon, Koizumi, get back in here!"

After that, the night dragged on. Haruhi and Koizumi went over the map of the island, making plans and drawing red circles everywhere. Nagato pulled her book out and continued reading for the rest of the night. Something in English, _Ender's Game? _ Our local manifestation of the divine Asahina-san brewed us all some tea, but as much as I'm loathe to criticize such a magnificent privilege, it wasn't really up to her usual standard. I think she wasn't used to the wood fire, or something.

Later, we entertained ourselves by telling ghosts stories. Traditional ones, this time. "Hook hand", "The guy was in the back seat the whole time", "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light", "Kuchisake-onna". Generic campfire stuff we've all heard a million times. Except Asahina-san, it seemed. Maybe in the future they told horror stories about time traveling aliens who can't resist messing with history. After that, we finally set up our sleeping bags, and bedded down, ready for the long day of hiking and "Mystery solving" ahead of us.

Even though I was on the other side of the room, I could pick out the soft breathing of Asahina-san. Truly a man could ask for no better lullaby.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Kyon"<p>

Mmmph, don't worry; I'll keep the nightmares away for you…

"Kyon! Stop dreaming you idiot, wake up"

Haruhi's voice came from above in a harsh whisper, her finger jabbing me uncomfortably in the ribs.

What?

"Kyon, where did you put the flashlight?"

What time is it? In the bag.

"Which bag?"

Can't you find it yourself? I really hate being woken up when I'm sleeping; the only one who can really get away with it is my little sister. It's in the bag with the uh… stuff.

"Urgh! Help me find it!"

With that, she roughly dragged me out of bed, shook me a few times until I had mental clarity, and we proceeded to tiptoe around the other sleeping brigade members (Who, with the amount of noise we were making, were likely just faking), and searched through the supplies until we finally found the flashlight.

"Just what do you need the flashlight for anyways?"

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"Then go."

It was really dark; I could barely see anything, but buried in shadow, Haruhi's face looked pretty angry, and… something else.

"Just come with me you jerk."

With that, she dragged me to the front door, and at least let me put my shoes on before taking me outside. Don't tell me all those stories actually got you scared?

"Shut up."

Luckily it had stopped raining, although everything was still wet. The trip to the outhouse seemed a lot longer in the dark than I remember when it was bright out. You know, Koizumi or Nagato would've gone with too; you didn't have to wake me up.

"Just wait there, okay?"

With that she hurried into the outhouse with the flashlight, and shut the door, leaving me in darkness. It took me a minute for my eyes to adjust to the lack of light, but when they did, I realized there was still nothing to see. It was pitch black; thick clouds still covered the sky, and there wasn't a trace of moon or starlight to be found. I could barely see my hand in front of my face. As the wind blew the damp forest air through the trees, I realized just how isolated we were from the lights, sounds, and comforts of civilization, and suddenly I felt very alone.

After waiting for what seemed like far too long, light flooded back into my world as Haruhi returned.

"Ugh, you never know what could be living in country outhouses like this. Come on, let's go ba-"

Haruhi stopped mid-sentence as we both heard a strange sound. It was a tinkling of sorts, like that of a wind chime, or small bells, coming from the forest. I knew that nothing like was hanging from our cabin, and when my eyes snapped to the forest, I saw it before Haruhi brought the flashlight to bear.

"Kyon, what's that!"

It was a butterfly. A single, glowing, golden butterfly. It fluttered lazily right at the edge of the tree line. And that tinkling sounds was definitely coming from it, or at least something in the butterfly's direction.

"What that? I've never seen a bug like that in my life…"

I'm not a bug collector, and I really don't care about butterflies, but I'm pretty positive the "Glowing Golden Windchime Butterfly" doesn't exist. But if this is a new discovery, feel free to name it after me-

Haruhi flicked off the light for a second, I guess to see if it was still glowing (It was), then took a hold of my arm and started walking towards the butterfly slowly, dragging me behind her. Uh, Haruhi, are you sure this is a good idea?

"Kyon… this is amazing! I think it might be a new species of butterfly! Imagine, we can name it after the SOS Brigade! I have no idea what could make something glow like that, but I imagine that scientists would want to- Hey! "

The butterfly flitted behind a tree, out of sight. Haruhi immediately made a mad dash for the tree line with me in tow, rounding the trunk just to see the butterfly a surprising distance into the forest already. Since when could they move that fast?

"Haruhi, hold on! Just stop and think for a second before you- Gyah!"

Eyes glinting with a hungry fire, Haruhi sped into the trees after it as it maneuvered out of sight again. Flicking the flashlight on to at least illuminate the ground in front of us, I was barely able to keep my balance as we ran, her freakishly strong grip making escape impossible. Even if I was able to escape though, I couldn't exactly let her run into the forest on her own.

"C'mon Kyon, keep up! This is a valuable discovery for the SOS Brigade! We can't let it get away!"

This is dangerous! Like really dangerous! Stop before something stupid happens! Undeterred by my protests, she kept running. We weren't really gaining any ground – even if it had the advantage of flight, a butterfly shouldn't be able to outpace a human running like this, especially potential track champion Haruhi.

"Argh! This thing is fast! All the more reason to catch it, this is sure to set those nerdy scientists on fire with jealousy! "

As we kept catching glimpses of our golden foe, I couldn't help but notice that it didn't look remotely natural. Its glow wasn't something like phosphorous powder on its wings – The whole butterfly seemed to be made of solid light, or energy of some sort. I suddenly recalled an old legend about will o wisps; malevolent spirits who took the appearance of glowing balls of light in order to lure travelers off of cliffs or into quicksand or something. Unfortunately, Haruhi was the type of person who would fall for a trick like that every time.

The chase continued on for what seemed like forever, but was probably only a few minutes. Since I have nowhere near the physical stamina of Haruhi, my chest was burning, my legs were threatening to give out, and I could feel my side start to cramp up in pain. Haruhi though, her eyes set on the goal, was almost there, her hand reaching out as she ran, and then *THUMP*

A long hanging branch she had passed under caught me right in the neck, and I fell like a brick, taking her with me. I heard glass shatter as she fell and the world went dark while I clutched at my throat, choking and sputtering for air.

"Ow, my head! What the hell? Oh crap, I can't see; the flashlight… huh? Kyon, are you alright? What's going on?"

Haruhi made her way over to me in the dark, blindly feeling around.

"Kyon, come on, are you okay? Say something!"

I was of course, still too busy coughing and gasping for breath. Damn, that really hurt. Feeling around my neck, it doesn't' seem like anything is broken, but I'm going to have a really nasty bruise. Haruhi worriedly held on to me and waited for me to regain my breath, which took over a minute. When I finally felt like I could try speaking again, I cleared my throat a few more times, and then took a deep breath to scold her with.

"HARUHI YOU IDIOT! Were you trying to get both of us killed!"

Oops. I didn't mean for it to come out that harshly. The result was instantaneous. Her face was about 2 inches from mine and her expression shot from a worried apprehension to something more akin to a kid getting caught stealing from the cookie-. No that's not right. She looked like someone who just hurt a friend by accident, okay?

"Kyon, I… I didn't mean too… I mean, I was just trying and I didn't see the- what I mean to say is that I'm really, really—

"Stop right there. I'm fine, alright? No point in dealing with that now. Besides, look around you. I think we have a bigger problem on our hands."

There wasn't really anything to look around and see, and I guess that was the gist of the problem. Both of us were alone in the middle of the woods, with a broken flashlight, still wearing our pajamas. I doubt either of us could find our way back to the cabin even with a good light. Oh, and the butterfly was nowhere to be seen, in case you were wondering.

"Oh… well. Hmm. Oh, Kyon, your pocket!"

Huh? There was something hard in my pocket, jabbing me- Oh! It was my phone. That's right; I had played a quick game of phone-Tetris before going to sleep, and slipped it into my pocket out of habit. Talk about good luck.

I pulled the phone out and the display lit up the area. Well, not so much the area as maybe a 2 ft diameter around the phone, but the feeble display was better than absolute darkness. With the light I stood up to get a better idea of our surroundings, confirming that we really were totally and utterly lost.

It was probably also worth mentioned that there isn't a cell phone tower for probably a good 50 miles, and I certainly didn't get any service. We actually did pack a solar powered waterproof satellite phone (Courtesy of Koizumi), but it was back at the cabin.

"Come on Haruhi, let's go. We probably left quite a trail dashing through the woods like that; we might be able to follow it back."

"Yeah… okay. Let's go."

I took Haruhi's hand with my left, and held out my cell phone in my right, trying its hardest to lighten the path up for us. Too bad I never bought the "Flashlight mode" app. Still, with a little luck, my battery should be able to hold out until we get back, and even if it takes us all night, I wouldn't be surprised if Nagato already knew we were missing and was coming to find us now.

Yeah, everything was going to be alright.

…

A drop of water hit me on the face.

And then another.

…

Good grief.

* * *

><p>I'm not sure exactly how long we wandered around. At least an hour. Following the path we took turned out to be a lot harder than I thought, and after lots of twisting turns, doubling back, and going in circles, we somehow lost the trail entirely. The two of us were utterly soaked to the bone, and the storm showed no signs of backing down from its onslaught again. And since there was no longer a dry spot on my body, my phone was suffering from water damage as well. The poor thing was already glitching and sputtering, and would likely die at any moment. Please, just a little bit longer.<p>

Not that we really had a direction or destination at this point. Basic Survival strategies says you should stay put and wait for rescue, rather than trying to tough it out on your own. Still, I felt that no matter what, we had to keep moving. If we just kept going, we had to find _something_. A place to take shelter. Like a giant tree with a hollow cave inside it. A rock overhang that would at least keep some of the rain off. Or maybe even…

A mansion.

"Ah, what! Kyon, look at that!"

Yep. Unexpectedly, the trees around us disappeared as we walked into the middle of a clearing; a large open area filled with knee high grass. And in the distance, loomed the unmistakable shadow of a mansion. And, we could see again. There was a break in the clouds, and while there wasn't a moon tonight, the starlight was just enough for faint illumination.

As if on cue, my phone suddenly blinked off, gasping its last breath. Thanks, you have served us admirably. I'll be sure to give you a proper burial later on. With that, I took a few moments to get a better view of my surroundings, before looking down at Haruhi. She looked back up, worried, and tightened her grip on my hand.

"Kyon, didn't Koizumi say the mansion was destroyed in an explosion?"

"Yeah, he did. Maybe it's a totally different mansion that also happened to be on this island. Or this is a dream, and we're hallucinating from hypothermia. Or maybe Koizumi was just lying, or misinformed. Either way, if we stay out here any longer that hypothermia won't be just a theory. Let's take our chances."

I know, I know. Classic horror movie mistake, right? Still, I really, really wanted to be dry again.

"Alright. But be careful Kyon. I wanna get dry too, but something about this place feels really off to me. "

Woah, Haruhi emphasizing caution in the face of danger? Maybe she hit her head harder than I thought when we fell. That or the hypothermia excuse again.

"Shut up. I mean it, this place feels really wrong."

We approached slowly, finding a broken cobblestone path leading up to the main doors. As we got closer, I could see that the mansion was in a serious state of disrepair. The windows were broken, a tree had fallen on one side of the house, and vines grew up and down a significant portion of the walls. All in all, it looked like a building abandoned to the elements for 25 years.

When we reached the door, I paused for a moment, raised my hand to knock, and then, realizing how stupid that was, went for the doorknob instead. It fell off immediately, and the door slightly opened."

"Gee, guess I don't know my own strength."

Haruhi actually snickered at that, before she realized it and turned to glare it me.

"Be serious about this Kyon. There could be wild animals living in here or something."

Honestly wild animals would be a welcome danger compared to what I'm expecting. Oh well, the only way to go is forward. I grabbed the door and swung it open, expecting the worst.

…

It was just an ordinary entrance hall. I could see a large set of stairs, which probably would've looked pretty grand if the place wasn't a dump. The carpet was in tatters, one of the banisters was broken. Seeing no immediate threat to our persons, I stepped inside, moving far enough in so the rain could no longer reach me. Ah… much better.

Haruhi walked up beside me as I started to wring out my wet pajamas. (Which, by the way, are really terrible for midnight hikes.) It was pretty dark in here, but apparently the break in the clouds was still holding, and a bit of light was streaming in through the open door and a few windows.

"Kyon, look!"

Spinning around, I followed Haruhi's pointed finger until I could see exactly what she was talking about. The wall to the right of the door was almost completely covered by a massive portrait of a beautiful woman – She had blonde hair, tied up in a bun, an extravagant black and gold dress with frilly stuff on it, and an elegant expression with the tiniest hint of amusement.

"Ah, this has to be…"

""Beatrice""

Both of us uttered the name of the great witch at the same time. A cold shiver ran up my spine, as I noticed that the portrait was entirely untouched by the ravages of time.

"Hey Kyon, there's something else here too."

Haruhi ran up to the base of the portrait and I followed. There was a stone tablet of sorts, and engraved on it was a long series of characters. As I read through them, I realized this was the Witch's Epitaph, the riddle that Koizumi had told us about, including all the grisly bits about gouging heads and sacrifices. Apparently there was more to it he had left out.

"So this is the real thing, huh? I researched the mystery on my own too, you know? But I could never really find the whole riddle, everyone on the internet always focused on the parts about killing. Hmm. "

It was a pretty long riddle, and I didn't really care to think about it right now, but Haruhi already seemed to be in detective mode. Not that I wouldn't mind knowing the location the hidden gold, but don't you think we should do something about these wet clothes, maybe find some ratty old blankets or something?

I was about to say this, but I was stopped when I heard a tinkling sound, like wind chimes, or small bells.

Oh crap.

We both spun around to see our golden friend flying lazily through the open door, along with that obnoxious and mysterious tinkling.

"Huh? Its back? Or maybe this is where it was headed in the first place..."

Haruhi took a few steps towards the butterfly, but I snatched her wrist and planted my feet. Let's not have a repeat of earlier, okay? She stopped, looked back at me, and nodded. Good thing too, because ready for it or not she could probably still drag me through the whole house chasing after the thing, and probably fall through rotting floorboards and—

The tinkling sounds suddenly magnified a hundredfold, coming from all around us, echoing from the walls. Slowly, more butterflies started to float into the room, coming from the ceiling, the windows, down the stairs, and all the numerous side doors and entrances. The room was filled with an unearthly golden glow, and before I could really tell what was happening, we were surrounded.

"What? Kyon, this is just their nest or something, right? We've disturbed them or something, but they're just butterflies… right?"

This is bad. Things are getting weird, and Haruhi isn't supposed to be here to see them. She was off balance, so I took the chance to pull her close, and position myself in front of her. Like any typical shonen protagonist is supposed to do, I guess, but it's probably a pretty futile gesture. There's no way I could stop demon butterflies of any sort. If someone wants to bust into this room to save us, now is the time!

"Haruhi, if something happens to me, I want to you run; just keep running and don't look back."

Man, where was I pulling these cheesy lines from? I've probably been reading too much manga recently.

"Huh? Kyon, don't say something like that. I'm not going to leave you behind; No self respecting commander would ever leave her subordinates behind to face danger while she escapes!"

With that, she turned to me and flashed her signature smile. If the room hadn't already been lit up by these glowing freaks of nature, that would've done the trick. Somehow, I felt just a tiny bit better.

"Besides, you're overreacting. Even if this is weird, it's just butterflies! Come on Kyon, its mother nature's least imposing bug, and—Hey!"

This whole time we had been slowly backing up, as the swarm of butterflies flitted about the room with no particular direction or intent. However, we backed up right into the portrait of Beatrice, and it rocked on its frame. With that, the air in the room turned malicious, and the tone of the tinkling changed, now sounding something like distorted laughter, cackling manically. The butterflies picked up speed, starting to whirl around the room in a flurry of gold.

And then they all shifted direction, diving straight for us.

"Ooof!"

I threw Haruhi to the ground and dived on top of her, covering my head with my hands. I knew that this was probably the last thing I'd ever do, so I closed my eyes and waited for the unique feeling of being torn apart by hundreds of tiny proboscises.

…

"Huh."

"Argh, Kyon, get off of me! And look, they didn't attack us!"

I quickly hopped off of Haruhi and she got to her feet, and I turned to see what she was talking about. Rather than going for us, it seems like they had dive-bombed the portrait instead. Beatrice was now covered from top to bottom in the things, and not a sliver of the portrait was visible, making it look almost like a giant golden portal.

"Kyon… this is so amazing… I wish we had a camera or something, why did your phone have to die? Huh, where did they go?"

Just like that, the butterflies all vanished in an instant, leaving behind only an afterimage in the darkened room. I took the chance to stand up, brush myself off, then waited a few moments to see if they'd come back. Nothing.

"Right, well. We should probably go, rain or not."

"Yeah, you're right."

Both of us turned to go, and started walking towards the open door. We didn't make it three steps however, before there was a loud *FWOOSH* from behind us.

To say Beatrice's portrait had caught fire wouldn't be entirely inaccurate. It wasn't real fire, but what was happening did sort of resemble a piece of paper burning. Rather than smoke and ash, the parts that were burned by the "fire" instead became bright, colorful and pristine, as if illuminated by a proper source of light and restored to the magnificence they once held.

The effect was really quite impressive. It started from the very center of the portrait and spread outwards in a circular fashion. It didn't stop at the edge of the portrait —the walls became bright and polished, the carpet a luxurious red, no longer in tatters. As the light approached us, I realized I was committing another grave horror movie sin: standing still while something weird happens.

It was too late though. I felt a sudden movement beside me, and realized Haruhi was falling. I managed to catch her, but she went limp in my arms. Hey, come on, now's not the time to be fainting, I don't think I can carry you out of here fast enough. Haruhi?

As the room continued to explode into the magnificent entry hall it had been in its prime, I suddenly felt weak, and my vision began to darken. The last thing I heard was the same laughter I had heard from the butterflies; cackling, maniacal, and cruel.

…

You know, this was really way too long for a prologue. Unfortunately, that's really all it was. I was about to be thrown in to a living nightmare, one far more terrifying and dangerous than anything I'd faced before. And this time, Haruhi was at my side through the thick of it all. The one person who isn't supposed to know that the supernatural exists.

I thought traveling through time, dealing with alternate realities, the mansion in the snow, kidnappings, car chases, weird divesting realities and the Anti-SOS Brigade had left me ready to deal with anything that the universe could throw at me.

I was wrong.


	2. Chapter 1: Meet the Ushiromiya's

The following contains spoilers for The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (**Including novels 10/11) **as well as Umineko no naku koro ni. Both franchises are the properties of Nagaru Tanigawa and Ryukishi07 respectively.

* * *

><p>I woke up in a strange bed, staring at a strange ceiling.<p>

"Huh? Don't tell me it was all just a dream…"

I mumbled to myself, trying to make sense of the memories in my head. Haruhi drug me into the woods, we got lost, found a mansion that shouldn't be there, and then got attacked by butterflies. That sounds about right.

So where the hell am I now?

I sat up in the bed, rubbing my eyes, stretching, and finally looking around to get my bearings. The room I was in seemed fairly extravagant – All the furniture was polished to a shine, and looked expensive. The bed I was in was large, comfortable, and these sheets looked pretty rich too. There were large windows to either side of the bed, with fancy curtains drawn over them. Daylight streamed through anyways.

Turning my head side to side to take everything in, I realized my neck was really sore. I reached up to touch my throat, and found it very bruised and tender. Damn, I really need to find a way to pay Haruhi back for that later.

…

Oh crap, Haruhi!

She wasn't anywhere to be seen in the room, and I was about to leap out of the bed and start causing a ruckus when the door opened.

"Oh, you're awake."

A portly old man came through the door, He was short, round, wearing a lab coat, and carrying a bag of some sort. His hair was snow white, but he carried himself with a happy demeanor that reminded me of my own grandfather.

"Hello there! You're very lucky to be alive right now, you know. How are you feeling? Oh, I should introduce myself. I'm Dr. Nanjo. Can you tell me your name?"

Huh? This doesn't look like a hospital room. Even Koizumi wasn't able to spring for something this fancy when I "fell down the stairs". Anyway, my name is –

"Wait hold on. Sorry, but I'm going to postpone the pleasantries for the moment. Where's Haruhi?"

"Haruhi?"

"There should have been a girl with me. Brown hair, beautiful. About my age."

"Ah yes of course, the girl. So Haruhi is her name, is it? Don't worry, she's okay. She's sleeping in the room next door. Both of you are really quite lucky. The kids found you washed up on the shore, both of you at death's door."

Good, she's here too. Wait, washed up on shore, what? Where am I?

"This is the island of Rokkenjima. Both the island and this mansion you're in now belong to the Ushiromiya family. I'm the personal physician. Ah, I still never got your name."

Ushiromiya family? But they're all…

Crap.

"Uh, what's the date and year?"

"Date and year? Are you okay son? If you're suffering from minor memory loss thanks to the accident, it could be serious, so please let me know. Anyway, it's currently October 4th, 1986, at about 2 PM."

Crap crap crap. 1986… That should be impossible, right? I thought Asahina-san said that it was impossible to time travel to any time before 2007. And if it's October 4th… Then we're on a one way trip to murderville.

Nagato. Koizumi. Anyone?

"Look, I'm sorry, but I really, really need to see Haruhi. Can you please take me to her? "

Ohoh? I told you son, she's just fine, there's no need to worry. Although you seem to be in good enough spirits, it might be better you got some more rest."

Look, right now, me talking with her is probably a matter of life and death. I know you're worried about your patients and all, but I really, really need to see her. Just point me in the right direction, I can do it myself.

I started to shift myself out of the bed, and Dr. Nanjo let out a long sigh.

"Oh, young people these days. I guess there's no stopping you, but be careful. Here, let me help you up."

I accepted the Dr.'s assistance in getting out of bed, and was immediately grateful for it, since my legs were surprisingly wobbly. After steadying myself, I took a few steps forward and nearly tripped. The pajamas I was wearing were a few sizes too big for me.

"Oh, those clothes belong to George-sama. He's a bit taller than you, but it was the closest fit we had. My apologies."

Dr. Nanjo led me to the side of the room, where a door led into a similar room, but mirrored. Not unlike shared rooms at a hotel.

Haruhi was there, lying in large and fancy bed, just like mine. I quickly hobbled over to her; She was asleep, and breathing softly, but she didn't' seem to be injured in any way, nor showed any signs of the apparent "almost drowning" we got up to while unconscious. I let a long sigh of relief escape my mouth.

Dr. Nanjo had stopped about halfway through the room, and stood watching me with a vaguely amused look on his face. Great, he's getting the wrong idea about all this. But now's not the time to worry about that. Guess I'll have to take one for the team.

"Hey, I know this is a bit much to ask, but could you leave the two of us alone for a moment? I need to discuss something in private with Haruhi."

With that, he raised an eyebrow, and the amusement on his face certainly increased. I could see his mustache twitching with suppressed laughter. Bastard.

"Ah, well. I suppose I could step out for a few moments. But remember, she's been through a lot, just like you have. You seem to care about this girl, so I trust you won't do anything that would hurt her. I should probably go tell the Master that you're awake and well."

With that, he bowed, and exited the room the way we came, shutting the door behind him. Finally. With that, I turned my attention back to Haruhi, sleeping peacefully. I had the sudden urge to draw on her face again, but instead I opted for putting my hand on her shoulder and shaking her lightly.

"Haruhi. Haruhi, I need you to wake up."

"Huh, whuh? Kyon… Aieee! "

She sat bolt upright, looking around frantically and bewildered.

"Just what do you think you're trying to do Kyon, sneaking up on a girl when she's sleeping like that? I forgave you the last time but no gift is going to… Where are we?"

The strange location finally registered to her, and her excitement vanished. Either way, I had an idea to get us out of this situation easily. I put my hands on both of Haruhi's shoulders and turned her to face me, and gave her the most serious look I could muster.

"Huh? Kyon, what are you doing?"

"Haruhi, I need you to listen to me. This is very, very important. You're dreaming right now. And this dream is about to turn into a horrible nightmare. I need you to wake up. Please listen to me, and just close your eyes, and imagine the two of us back in the cabin, warm in our sleeping bags. Think of that as hard as you can, and will it to be true."

"I… Yeah, okay Kyon. I'll try."

With that, she closed her eyes, and a look of intense concentration scrunched her face. If anyone's power could get us out of this, it's Haruhi's. I found myself closing my eyes too, and imagining the cabin, the sleeping bags. Us waking up in the morning, enjoying a great breakfast cooked by Haruhi. Figuring out the trick of the wood fire, Asahina-san would brew us a tea surpassing all those that came before, giving us enough energy to hike across the entire island in one day! Koizumi would of course be smiling and getting everything in order, and Nagato would of course just be reading. Everything the way it should be.

Let's please just go back to that.

Please.

…

Nothing happened, of course. We sat there for about a minute before Haruhi opened her eyes again.

"Huh? We're still here? That was a really dumb joke Kyon! Besides, I was already dreaming before you woke me up. So seriously, where are we? I don't recognize this place at all…"

Well, it was worth a shot. I still have one more trick up my sleeve of course, but they say "The best weapon is one which doesn't have to be used", or something like that. I'd rather get a better idea of the situation first anyways. Time for plan B, then.

"Haruhi. How much do you remember about last night? Or at least, before you woke up here."

"Last night? Do you mean my dream? That was about… er, it was nothing, okay? Wait, what were we doing last night? That's right! We got lost in the woods, found a broken down mansion, and then a bunch of butterflies…"

With that, Haruhi started out of the bed, and dashed to the nearest window, throwing open the curtains and peering down. I noticed the pajama's she was wearing didn't really fit her either.

"Huh? There's people down there… Who are they? And why does this mansion look like the one we found last night? Kyon, tell me where we are!"

Well, here goes. Haruhi stared at me from the window, her eyes demanding, no, pleading for a answer that would explain everything easily. I wish I could give one. I fixed her with my iciest stare, took a deep breath, and dropped the bomb.

"Haruhi. This is going to sound crazy, and I really wish that this was all just a dream, which is why I asked you to try waking up earlier. We're in the Ushiromiya family mansion. But that's not the problem. The problem is that it's also October 4th, 1986."

…

Haruhi just stared, her mouth open in shock. After a few moments, her legs wobbled slightly, and she sank down to her knees.

"1986… but that's impossible, right? You're saying we travelled through time?"

Well, actually I don't think time travel is the culprit here, but the specifics of it don't really matter.

"And if we're here on Rokkenjima in 1986… Kyon! Everyone on this island is going to die!"

"Yeah, I know."

Haruhi sat there in silence. I got up off the bed and went to the window, sitting down beside her. At least she decided to believe me—this conversation would've been a lot more awkward if she had to confirm it with Dr. Nanjo, or whoever else is here on the island.

…

"Kyon. Are we going to die too?"

"I don't know"- is normally what I would say to a question like that. But I caught myself, and my mouth hung open searching for a response. While true, it might not be the best thing to say right now. Instead, I decided to tap into my rarely accessed reserves of heroic resolve.

"No, we're not."

"Huh?"

"Look, we're not in the history books, right? We shouldn't be here. That makes us wild cards, capable of anything."

"What are you babbling about? We could just as easily not be in the books because no one could identify the bodies of time travelers from the future!"

"Come on Haruhi. Don't tell me you forgot already? Let me spell it out for you. The SOS Brigade is here to:

1. Solve the mystery of what really happened!

2. Find the hidden gold!

3. Put the spirits of the Ushiromiya family to rest!"

Haruhi stared back at me in disbelief again, hearing her own words quoted back at her. But as she began to comprehend the situation, her face lit up like a firework, rising into the smile we all know and love – one that usually meant a lot of trouble and work for me, but this time I was sure it pointed in the right direction, towards getting us out of here.

"You're right Kyon! How could I have been so stupid? I'm sorry; I just got a little scared there. We're here for a reason, and we have to save all the people here!"

She stood up and dramatically pointed, at nobody in particular. Honestly, I wasn't sure how much I believed in everything I just said, but this was a much preferable alternative to Haruhi moping about. Besides, I didn't think I could do this one alone. I'm pretty scared too, you know.

"Glad to see the brigade leader back in action. But Haruhi, let's keep it cool. I've only talked to the doctor so far, but I'm pretty sure that right now the Ushiromiya's are a normal family. We're guests here, and we can't go running around telling them there's a murderer on the loose or anything like that. Also, we apparently washed up on shore half drowned. "

We went over our "cover stories" for the next few minutes, mostly trying to figure out how to not act like we're from the year 2011. It's not like we would be subject to interrogation or anything, but when you lie like this everyone should be on the same page. After a bit more of this, there was soft knock on the door, and Dr. Nanjo let himself in.

"Ah, hello there. I see you are awake, young lady. Ah, Haruhi, was it? How are you feeling? I trust your friend here hasn't' been troubling you?"

"Yep! I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, and you can just call him Kyon. Thanks for taking care of us!"

Beaming, Haruhi leapt up and ran over to Dr. Nanjo, bowing enthusiastically. Kyon? Ah crap, I should've given my name when I had the chance. Oh well.

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot of energy. That's youth for you, I suppose. The rest of the household is looking forward to meeting the two of you. People certainly don't wash up on our shores often. However, I would like to run a few basic checkups before I can give you a clean bill of health. "

We let the doctor do just that. Basic doctor stuff – stethoscope, temperature, various poking and prodding. It seems that whatever "accidental drowning" excuse brought us here, the two of us were no worse for wear because of it.

When he was done, Dr. Nanjo went out into the hall, spoke with someone for a few moments, and then the butler walked in.

If you're wondering why I said he was a butler, well. I've met a butler before. But while Arakawa makes a pretty good butler, he always gave the impression that there was something more, like he was secretly a ninja or something. This guy was 100% butler. If he had a secret identity, it probably involved him being a butler somewhere else. I half expected him to be named Alfred, or Sebastian. Instead, he introduced himself as Genji,

Genji led us both to separate rooms, where clothes were laid out for me. Everything was just a bit too big for me, and all of it was really tacky. Guess it's to be expected, if we're really in the 80s. I found something passable, and with that, we were off to meet the Ushiromiya's.

* * *

><p>"Ah, wow. Hello everyone, I'm Haruhi Suzumiya. And this is Kyon. It's a pleasure to meet all of you, and we're really sorry to intrude like this."<p>

"Ahah! Such a polite girl. The head currently wishes to remain undisturbed right now, so as the successor to the head allow me to welcome you to our home. I am Krauss Ushiromiya, and you may consider yourselves to be guests here, and what's ours is yours. "

There was a large crowd of people before us. It seems like everyone on the island was interested in getting a look at the newcomers. So many faces, it was hard to keep track of them all. After his own introduction, Krauss turned to everyone else and told them to approach one by one to introduce themselves.

"Natsuhi Ushiromiya. I am the wife of Krauss. Please, if there's anything at all you need, feel free to ask.

She seemed like a pleasant, motherly woman. I could sense a hidden tension in her though, like I've seen in my own mother when she's really stressed out.

"Jessica Ushiromiya. It's a pleasure to meet both of you, and welcome to our home! Um, Krauss and Natsuhi are my mom and dad. "

A pretty blonde girl, about the same age as us. Her attempts at formality were so obviously forced I almost burst out laughing.

"Hmm, well, aren't you two just adorable. I'm Eva Ushiromiya. My brother Krauss might be a bit stodgy at times, but I'll do my best to help you feel at home too, alright?"

SWEET MOTHER OF –

…

What I mean is, this red haired woman in a Qipao seemed _very_ forward and friendly, and reminded me a bit of Asahina-san. (Big)(-er) However, despite her other, uh, _qualities_, Eva had a very devious demeanor, like a snake waiting for the moment to strike.

"Ahahaha! Don't mind my wife, she's just teasing. You can just call me Hideyoshi!"

This short, jovial man greeted us by slapping us both on the back and laughing. In a stark contrast to his wife, he seemed like a man of good and honest intentions.

"Ah, I apologize for my parents. I am George Ushiromiya. It's a pleasure to meet you."

A tall kid, with glasses. He looked to be a few years older than us, possibly in college or even already a young businessman. I think I was wearing his clothes, which would explain why they don't fit. George seemed to share his father sense of honesty, although he was far more reserved.

"Howdy. You can call me Rudolf, and it's my pleasure to share the company with such a beautiful young woman such as yourself."

Totally ignoring me, he knelt before Haruhi, snatched her hand and planted a kiss on the back of it, like he was some kind of foppish courtier. The look on Haruhi's face was absolutely priceless, but at the moment I'm sure my own expression was worth a few laughs as well. Luckily, before either of us could set our heads straight and react, a short haired woman came and yanked Rudolf up, slapping him on the back of the head.

"I'm sorry about that. My husband is an outrageous flirt, it's a wonder I've even got this much of a hold on him. I'm Kyrie Ushiromiya. Pleasure to meet you. "

This older woman with silver hair gave off a sort of "Cool big sis" vibe. She kind of reminded me of the older cousin I once had a crush on when I was little, but that really has nothing to do with anything. As she walked off though, I saw her meet Haruhi's eye, and Haruhi suddenly blanched at something she saw there.

"…"

Huh? The kid standing in before me was of a similar height to me, with flaming red hair, and a tacky white suit. However, he just stood there in front of us for a few moments, not saying a word. Was he really shy or something?

"Battler Ushiromiya."

Giving just his name, Battler gave us a strange look. One filled with hatred, and confusion. What the hell was his problem?

"Huh? What was with that introduction son? With an attitude like that you'll never be able to pick up chicks! Are you feeling alright? You've seemed down all day…"

As Rudolf and Battler walked off, the final pair approached; a plain looking woman and a young girl, maybe a little younger than my sister.

"I'm Rosa Ushiromiya, and this is my daughter Maria. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Uuuuuuuu, uuuuuu…. Do you believe in magic?"

Magic? Sure, why not? Nagato wouldn't really call it magic, but it makes no difference to me. Guess this kid is cut from the same stock as Haruhi.

"Maria! Do not talk about such nonsense in front our guests! I'm really sorry. And please, do not encourage her."

With that she dragged Maria away as she continued to cry "Uuuuu, uuuuu". Since she reminded me a bit of my own sister, that whole exchange left a sour taste in my mouth. And judging by Haruhi's expression, she had a similar thought.

Well, it looks like that was the whole of the Ushiromiya family, except for the Kinzo guy. There were still a bunch of servants running around, but I guess they weren't going to get a formal introduction like this.

It's really a lot of people, and I'll probably have a hard time keeping track of everyone. But throughout this whole procedure, a knot has been slowly twisting up my stomach. I've got to try my hardest to remember their faces, and names, and who they are as people. Because with each new introduction, a small voice has been whispering in my head.

_These people will all be dead soon_.

* * *

><p>What happened next was pretty hectic. Lots of talking, discussions, jokes, and laughter. With all 11 or so Ushiromiya's introduced, they still had plenty of stuff to talk about. Haruhi and I gave some vague, half assed responses to our current predicament. We had fallen off a passing boat that just happened to be in the area. We didn't remember the name of the boat. Our parents recently moved, and we couldn't remember our respective phone numbers. Not really a great lie, but we didn't even exist in this time period, and they seemed to accept it at face value anyways. Just as well; any boat that could take us off the island wouldn't be able to arrive until tomorrow, depending on the weather.<p>

Things calmed down after awhile, and the adults started to go their separate ways. This was a family conference after all, and everyone was still pretty busy, eventually leaving us with the kids. Well, Jessica, George, and Maria anyways. That Battler kid apparently wasn't interested in socializing. Must be going through one of those phases.

The other three though, were quite pleasant. Jessica in particular—As soon as her parents were out of the room, her personality shifted to something a lot more spunky, and she started talking like a boy. Eventually, the five of us found ourselves in a disturbingly familiar room.

"Kikikiki. Do you know who this is?"

That would be the witch Beatrice, right? We stood in front of the same portrait of Beatrice I had seen just a few hours ago. No doubt about it, this was the same mansion, but 25 years in the past. No demon butterflies to be seen, but I was keeping my eyes and ears open. If Haruhi recognized it too, she didn't give any outward reaction.

"Wow, Kyon-kun knows about Beatrice-sama?"

Not too surprising, is it? Wait, maybe it is. How much of this was public knowledge back in 1986? Crap.

"Ahaha, sorry. Maria-chan is very interested in the supernatural and occult stuff."

Jessica frantically apologized for her younger cousin, who began to get frustrated that we didn't believe in Beatrice.

"Ah, Maria-chan, you're into the supernatural at your age? That's so awesome! Back home, I'm the supreme leader of the SOS Brigade! And we make it our duty to investigate the supernatural, weird, and just plain awesome stuff that's hidden all over the world!"

Just don't tell her your track record for finding any of it. Present situation notwithstanding, of course. Even then, the look on Maria's face at that couldn't be any more excited if Haruhi had preformed actual magic in front of her.

"Hey, what can you actually tell me about this Beatrice?"

I directed my question to George, who seemed to be the most reasonable amongst us. He was at an awkward age, straddling the line between adult and child, but it didn't seem to bother him at all.

"Well, that's difficult to say, since I don't know much about her. There are a lot of rumors and superstitions of course, but all I can really say for sure is that she must have been someone very special to my grandfather."

Well that seems a little obvious. People don't commission giant fancy portraits like this on a whim, then write a really complicated riddle for it, all for a complete stranger.

"Ah, yes, the riddle. Have you seen it? We've all taken a stab at trying to solve it at one time or another, but it's really quite difficult."

While Haruhi and Jessica played with Maria, I approached the portrait and took the time to actually examine the whole riddle. The lighting was certainly a lot better this time around, and I wasn't currently being threatened by fluttery-golden doom, so it certainly was a lot easier to wrap my head around.

* * *

><p>"My beloved hometown, the sweetfish river running through it.<br>You who seek the Golden Land, follow its path downstream and seek the key.

If you follow the river downstream, you will find a village.  
>In the village, look for the shore the two will tell you of.<br>There sleeps the key to the Golden Land.

He who lays hand upon the key shall travel under the rules below.

At the first twilight, you shall lift up as sacrifice the six chosen by the key.  
>At the second twilight, the surviving shall tear apart the two who are close.<br>At the third twilight, the surviving shall praise my honorable name on high.  
>At the fourth twilight, gouge the head and kill.<br>At the fifth twilight, gouge the chest and kill.  
>At the sixth twilight, gouge the stomach and kill.<br>At the seventh twilight, gouge the knee and kill.  
>At the eighth twilight, gouge the leg and kill.<br>At the ninth twilight, the Witch shall be revived and none shall be left alive.  
>At the tenth twilight, the journey shall end and you should reach the village of gold.<p>

The Witch will praise the wise, and should bestow four treasures.  
>One shall be, all the gold from the Golden Land.<br>One shall be, the resurrection of the souls of all the dead.  
>One shall be, even the resurrection of the lost love.<br>One shall be, to put the Witch to sleep for all time.

Sleep peacefully, my most beloved witch, Beatrice."

* * *

><p>…<p>

Or uh, not.

Wow, I don't even know where to begin to start solving this. This makes escaping a snow covered mansion by using Euler's planar graph formula look like child's play, and Koizumi did most of the work for that one. If this is what we have to solve to get out of this one, I'm afraid to say it's probably game over.

"Heh, I told you. Pretty confusing, huh? I take it the two of you are also really into the supernatural? They say this riddle might lead to the hidden location of Grandfather's gold. "

Haruhi is into that stuff, not me. Well okay, maybe a little. Still, whether the gold is mundane or a gift from by a witch, that part is definitely interesting.

"Uuuuu, Beatrice-sama made the gold, with magic! She's the golden witch! And that's not a riddle; it's her epitaph, for her resurrection!"

You know, that's really the one thing I'm hoping it's not.

"Ah, Maria-chan, it's okay, they didn't mean anything like that. How about we all head to the guest house now? We'll have some snacks, watch some TV, and play some games, okay?"

Jessica led us all out of the mansion and to the nearby guesthouse. The outside of the mansion was just as luxurious as the inside, with a spectacular display of flowers to really brighten up the mood. Nothing really ended up happening until dinner. I proved myself the undisputed board-game champion though. It's nice to have an opponent doesn't suck like Koizumi. Still didn't see that Battler kid.

It felt really weird to be enjoying myself so casually, knowing what's coming. Just this once, it would be nice if all our foreknowledge was wrong, and everything would turn out just fine.

* * *

><p>If there was to be one positive thing said about my time here in this nightmarish ordeal, let it be this.<p>

That was the best damn dinner I have ever eaten.

Our food was presented to us by a chef named Gohda. The man was overly enthusiastic about his cooking, described every dish with elaborate detail, and continuously bragged about his own talents. And if it was a tad abhorrent, his self-praise was rightfully deserved. Of course, my meals are generally boxed lunches, cafeteria food, and stuff you can get in the local cafés. I've eaten at fancy restaurants on special occasions with my family, but never anything like this. I wonder if rich people eat this good every day?

The eponymous head of the household "Kinzo Ushiromiya" didn't bother to join us for dinner. Either he's in really poor health, or is really as eccentric as everyone seems to think he is. His seat lay unoccupied at the far end of the massive table. The seating arrangements of the rest of the family seemed to be based on the closeness to the head's seat, probably due to some sort of complicated family ranking that I didn't really care to figure out. As mere guests on the island, that put Haruhi and I at the far end of the table. However, since Haruhi was in the end seat, and Kinzo wasn't present, it almost seemed like everyone was gathered around her instead.

That's to be expected with Haruhi, I suppose.

Other than that, dinner was pleasant and social. Lots of small talk and meaningless conversations. Except Battler, who kept his mouth shut and barely touched his food. He seemed bored and distant, except he kept staring at Haruhi and me when he thought I wasn't looking. If he has a problem I wish he'd just hurry up and say it.

Nothing exciting happened until the end of dinner. As everyone had finished and the table was starting to be cleared, Maria stood on top of her chair and waved her arms around, getting everyone's attention, much to the consternation of her mother.

"Everyone! Beatrice-sama told me to read this to everyone after dinner!"

With a face beaming with pride, Maria pulled an ornate and sealed letter from her bag, opened it, and pulled out a fairly long, handwritten letter and began to recite.

* * *

><p>"Welcome to Rokkenjima, everyone of the Ushiromiya family. I am serving Kinzo-sama as the alchemist-adviser of this house and my name is Beatrice. I was serving him obeying a contract that extended for many years but, today, Kinzo-sama sentenced the end of that contract.<p>

Consequently, during today, I'll have my duty as alchemist-adviser of the family to come to a closure, so please be understanding of that. Then, I must explain one part of the contract to everyone here. I, Beatrice, did loan a vast amount of gold to Kinzo-sama but with a certain condition.

As for that condition, he will return me all the gold by the end of the contract. And as an interest, I can accept everything of the Ushiromiya family. Upon hearing this, everyone will probably lament as Kinzo-sama is being too merciless.

However, Kinzo-sama, in order to give a chance to leave the wealth and fortune to everyone, added a special clause. Only when that clause is satisfied, I'll eternally lose my right to collect the gold and the interest."

――Special clause――

When the contract ends, Beatrice will have the right to collect the gold and the interest. However, if a person who disclose the hidden gold of the contract appears, Beatrice must eternally and completely abdicate of this right …From now on, the collect of the interest will be performed but, if whoever one person among everyone can satisfy the special clause,

Everything will be returned including the part already collected.

Furthermore, as an outset of the collect, I already have received in my custody the "Finger Ring of the Head of the Ushiromiya Family" that indicates that he succeeded the inheritance of the Ushiromiya family.

Please, confirm with the wax seal.

About the hiding place of the gold, Kinzo-sama already publicly announced it at the inscription under my portrait. The conditions are equal to all the people who can read the inscription. If the gold is disclosed, I will return everything. With that, please, enjoy to the fullest your battle of wits with Kinzo-sama.

I'm praying from the bottom of my heart that tonight turns out to be an intellectual and yet elegant night.

――Beatrice the Golden "

* * *

><p>Wow. That was quite a mouthful. I'm not sure if I should be more impressed with the contents of the letter, or the fact that a 9 year old girl was able to recite all of that without stuttering or getting stuck on any of the hard words.<p>

"That's ridiculous; this is just a bad joke, right?"

"Maria-chan, where did you get that letter from?"

"From Beatrice-sama!"

"Let me see that, is that really father's seal?"

"Maria, you need to stop this nonsense right now!"

"Uuuu! I really got the letter from Beatrice-sama!"

As could be expected, the declaration from this "Alchemy advisor" stirred everyone into an uproar. Everyone quickly badgered Maria for details, who, at first proud of her role in this drama, became increasingly distraught when it became clear nobody believed her.

Hmm, let's see. A letter from Beatrice herself, challenging us to solve the riddle and find the gold. Didn't Koizumi say something about a letter in his story? No wait; that happened after a bunch of people had already died. I guess this means I really do have to solve that riddle… Man I don't even know where to start. Maybe the answers are written upside down on the back of the tablet?

"Hey Kyon, what do you make of this?"

Haruhi leaned in close to whisper conspiratorially to me, although it wasn't really necessary since everyone's attention was focused elsewhere.

"Hmm. About that; I'm not really sure".

It's the truth. I can't really think with all this arguing going on. Sorry, but I have to go clear my head a bit. With that, I excused myself to the bathroom and made my way out into the hall.

It took a little bit to find, but I eventually made my way to a fancy and ornate bathroom. You know, the furnishings in any one room in this house is probably worth more than everything my family owns. After just staring at myself in the mirror for awhile, I decided to wash my face. With my head down, I suddenly became aware of a light humming sound, and the distinct feeling of someone right behind me.

Fully expecting something terrifying to be waiting for me as soon as I looked up into the mirror, I let out a deep sigh and got it over with.

It was a red ball of energy, about the size of a baseball, floating behind my head.

"Koizumi. It's about time you showed up.


	3. Chapter 2: Chance Encounters

The following contains spoilers for The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (**Including novels 10/11) **as well as Umineko no naku koro ni. Both franchises are the properties of Nagaru Tanigawa and Ryukishi07 respectively.

* * *

><p>"Ah. I'm sorry about that. Getting in here even like this proved to be very difficult, and I had to wait for a time when you were by yourself."<p>

So you've been watching this whole time, have you? Couldn't you even send me a little hint beforehand? Forget it, if you're here, that means this is some kind of closed space, right?

"You're absolutely right, the three of us have been watching this entire time. However, to call this "Closed Space" would only be accurate in the sense that you can call both a human being and an insect "lifeforms."

"Straight into the complicated metaphors already. Koizumi, that form you're in doesn't look particularly stable, maybe you should stop beating around the bush this time."

Actually I'm kind of glad he's just a glowing ball right now – This bathroom isn't particularly big, and Koizumi has a pretty big precedent for violating my personal space even in wide open areas.

"Right. I'll see if I can be brief. You're definitely trapped in the "Data anomaly" Nagato-san mentioned, though it seems to be much larger in scope than we thought. While vaguely similar to closed space, its structure has nothing to do with Suzumiya-san, though I believe her power acted as a trigger, like with the Cave Cricket. The difference is so great that it took considerable effort from both Nagato-san and Asahina-san just to get me here like this."

Even at your best, brevity still eludes you. Wait, back up a second, _**Asahina-san **_helped you get here?

"Yes, believe it or not. The structure of the world you're in apparently "bears some resemblance to a folded time plane", and she can use the TPDD to punch a small hole through it. I think that if you saw Asahina-san right now you would be quite proud of her; she's trying her very best for both of you."

All the more reason to skip to the point, if she has to work so hard just to get you here! Although I do really want to see that. Anyway, how do we get out of here? And if you suggest the same trick I used to escape from my first closed space fiasco, I'm going to find a tennis racket and show you my "SUPER KOIZUMI SERVE!"

"Like I said, this space isn't created by Suzumiya-san, so I doubt it would have any effect. Although you're welcome to try if you think it will make your current situation more enjoyable. I'm just kidding, of course. But her power seems to be acting strangely here."

Huh? Define strange.

"It's a little hard to explain, but I suppose it's as if her power is still there, a raging torrent of energy, if you would. But unlike reality, it cannot grab a hold of anything and change it. When you tried to get Haruhi to wake up from the "dream" earlier, there was a storm of power from her like I've never seen before, but it didn't do anything, or go anywhere. It just kind of **was**, and slowly dissipated. Ah, perhaps Nagato-san could explain it better, I'm sorry."

So I guess I had the right idea, but the situation screwed me over. Crap, that means my John Smith card won't work either, will it?

"That would be my guess as well."

Great. A depowered Haruhi, my trump card shredded into pieces, and with Koizumi and the others only able to provide field support. Outnumbered and outgunned, storming up the beaches of Normandy with no continues left. Do you have _any_ good news?

"Well, Nagato-san is hard at work decoding the nature of the space you're in, and she thinks we might be able to break through fully to come get you. But it will take some time, and I'm afraid it might not be in time for whatever is going to happen in there to be over."

So I get reinforcements, but they'll be late. Hey, you're the one who told us the story of this place after all. What the hell is going to happen to us?

"I wish I knew more. Those stories were just that, stories. I really didn't even believe them myself. The stories are full of contradictions to each other, and certainly none of them mentioned the two of you. Oh, it seems my time is running out."

Koizumi began to flicker and dwindle, shrinking to about the size of a ping-pong ball. His voice came out distorted and garbled.

"I'm really sorry about all this. I wish I never looked up Rokkenjima in the first place. My advice to you: If people start dying, try and solve the mystery. I'm not sure, but I think that might be the key. Oh, and Nagato-san wants to talk to you as well. Please head to your room as soon as you get the chance."

"Good luck. And be careful."

Koizumi's energy disappeared into nothingness, his last words barely more audible than a whisper. With a sigh, I turned back around to stare at myself in the mirror for awhile longer. Man, I look tired. Whatever. My once lovely meal seems to have turned sour in my stomach, but I should probably hurry. Nagato is waiting, after all.

To my considerable surprise, when I opened the door there was someone waiting for me.

Battler Ushiromiya.

* * *

><p>"Oh, uh, hey. Did you need the bathroom? Sorry I took so long. Aren't there a bunch of bathrooms in this place though? I don't really know the mansion very well so-"<p>

"Who were you talking to in there?"

"Huh? Oh, you know, I was just chatting with someone on my cellph—"

%&!#. Damnit me, cell phones won't exist for another 15 years or so! Well no, they kind of had cellphones even now, but they were really bulky and practically required a backpack and that's not the point! Man, this kid looks pissed off. I really hope he's not going to pull a knife on me. I'm not really much of a fighter, but the two of us seemed evenly matched.

"Well? Who were you talking to?"

Okay, deep breath, try for a real excuse. Aha! Go for the gold!

"Oh, you know. It was a big dinner, and I was really full, so I was just giving myself a pep talk in the mirror after a particularly good dump."

The flat "what" on his face was exactly the reaction I was hoping for. Now, time to leave before he recovers from my "stupid bomb"

"Just forget about that! Answer me this then."

Battler punctuated his exclamation by slamming his fist into the door I had just slid away from. That looks like it hurt. When he turned to look at me, his face and eyes conveyed a conflicting mix of emotions. Anger. Desperation, pleading, a deep sadness. And overlaying it all…

_Insanity._

"Who are you?"

Wait, what? I mean, didn't you hear my name during the introductions? Well actually, Kyon is just my nickname, my real name is—

"That's not what I'm talking about! Who the hell are you! You're not supposed to be here! There hasn't been anyone new on this island in ages!"

Crap, this kid is pretty far gone. I really have no idea what he's capable of. And I know we're not supposed to be here, we fell off boat, remember?

"That's a lie! You're one of _her _pieces, aren't you?

Huh? That doesn't make any sense. Look man, I don't know what you're talking about, can you please calm down a little?

"I… You're not supposed to…"

He stuttered and stopped with that, hanging his head in defeat. Should I make a run for it? Uh, hey, are you alright?

Suddenly he reached into his coat and pulled out a metallic object. Understandably, I leapt backwards, but it was just a flask. He twisted it open, and started chugging the contents until there was nothing left, letting the last drop fall out and wiping his mouth. The stench of strong alcohol filled the air.

Aren't you a little young to be drinking like that?

"Useless, it's all useless. You're probably not even real. And even if you are, it's still useless. You and I are both going to die, and there's nothing that can be done. Or maybe you're here to take my place? Hah. Hahahahaha."

Battler picked himself up, and turned around, stumbling drunkenly down the hall away from me, still laughing.

Once he turned the corner and was out of sight, I let out the breath I had been holding. What the hell was he talking about? Damnit Koizumi, couldn't you have waited until after this encounter to have our conversation?

Well, I still have a chance to talk to Nagato. I'd better hurry up and get to my room. After waiting another minute to make sure he didn't come back, I set off through the mansion, keeping my eyes peeled for drunken redheads.

…

Crap, this place is huge. I have no idea how to get back to my room. I wandered around for at least a good 10 minutes, through twisting corridors, poking my head into various rooms. Did they design this place to be a maze? Well, if what I've heard about Kinzo is true, then maybe. Hey, there are some people up ahead.

"Excuse me, hey! Ah…"

It was a beautiful girl in a maid outfit; she was no Asahina-san, but possessed a humble beauty that was clearly distinct. A face framed with brown curls, and a rather odd hat-thingy. Part of her uniform, I guess. And uh, rather… _ample _features.

Oh, and there was someone else too. A boy, younger, maybe 13? He looked scrawny and short.

"Ah, hello there. You must be Kyon-sama. I'm Shannon, and this is Kanon. Both of us are servants of the Ushiromiya family.

Her bow had the formality and grace of a constantly practiced master and servant relationship. Wait, did you just call me –sama? There's no universe in which an honorific like that is appropriate for a guy like me.

"Ah, I apologize. But as you are a guest here, and we've been instructed you to treat you as if you were members of the Ushiromiya family for the duration.

Yeah, fine, I get it. Kanon hadn't said anything, and kept his eyes to the floor, downcast and sullen. Suddenly suspicious, I stared at him intently, looking for signs of madness or barely contained rage. Nope, looks clean. Just a shy kid.

"Ah, I'm sorry. Kanon is still somewhat new as a servant here, and is a bit shy. Please, is there anything we can help you with?"

Right. Actually, I was looking for my room. I left something in there, but I can't find my way back.

"Of course. Right this way sir."

She led me through the hallways with Kanon following along; I tried to make a mental map this time so I didn't have to go through this again. On a whim, I decided to ask a question.

"Hey, what do you two know about Beatrice?"

They both stopped dead in their tracks. Whoops; must be a sensitive subject.

"Ah, Beatrice-sama, well, you see she's kind of um-"

"Stop it sis. He's an outsider. Beatrice-sama isn't any of your business. And it isn't our place to talk about her either. We're just furniture, remember?"

"Ah, right. I'm sorry, we're really not the right people to ask about something like that."

Really? Sounds to me like you're exactly the people I'd want to talk to. I guess those two are brother and sister? Also furniture, did I hear that right?

"So you're saying she's a real person than."

"Ah, well, that is—"

"No. She's a witch. And that's all you need to know."

"Kanon! Stop it, you're being rude! I'm so sorry, but could you please drop the subject?"

Guess I don't have a choice. A witch huh? Interesting. Its one thing to hear it coming from the mouth of a 9 year old girl, but coming from these two and with such conviction certainly raises a lot of questions.

The rest of the walk was covered by an awkward silence. When we finally made it back to my room, Shannon gave an awkward and apologetic goodbye, and forced Kanon to apologize as well. I should see if I can get Shannon alone later. No, not like that. She seems timid, but I think I could get her to talk about Beatrice with a bit of effort, as long as Kanon wasn't around. Something like that would make me a bit of a jerk, but I've got a mystery to solve here, alright?

I sat down on the bed, and took a moment to collect my thoughts. The last couple times I was in a situation like this, Nagato used the club room computer to contact me. I know they had computers back in 1986, but they weren't really widely available. A rich family like this might have one somewhere around here, but I haven't seen it, and it certainly wasn't in this room.

Dispelling my next question before I could even form it, the phone began to ring. Huh, I missed that before. It was an old rotisserie styled phone, with the crossbar handle and everything. How retro. When I picked it up, I was immediately greeted by a loud burst of static, than chirps, beeps, screeches, and all sorts of other noises that reminded me of a dialup internet connection.

After about 30 seconds, the noises stopped, and there was nothing but silence.

"Nagato?"

"…"

"I'm sorry."

Huh?

"Your current predicament is my fault. I overestimated my own abilities to monitor you, the island, the anomalies, and Haruhi Suzumiya. I underestimated the anomalies themselves, and failed consider that Haruhi Suzumiya's power could act as a trigger."

Woah, hold on a minute there Nagato. You don't need to blame yourself for this, okay? It's my fault for not stopping Haruhi, or something. Worrying about whose fault this is won't solve anything anyways.

"By the time you and Haruhi Suzumiya saw the "butterfly", you were already out of my reach. I'm sorry. However the blame lies fully on my shoulders."

Stop it. And when we get out of this, if I hear anything about you being punished because of this, you know what I'll do.

"…"

"Look, Koizumi said you might have some important info for me? Like, what is this place anyways?"

"The Data Anomaly is a localized segment of space time, copied from October 4th 1986 to October 6th 1986. There are a number of programs imbedded in the structure to keep it continuously running."

And, you've lost me. Let me try and understand. You're saying this is just a copy of the real Rokkenjima? Kind of like when we got stuck in the snow mansion?

"No. That was due to interference with my systems by the Sky Canopy Domain. The theory Itsuki Koizumi presented to you then was incorrect."

Right. So is there any better way you can explain it to me then?

"…"

"A book."

Huh?

"A copy of a book .This copy is then rewritten to suit the copiers' needs."

Right, I think I get it. Good enough anyway. So since this data manipulation is familiar to you? Does that mean it has something to do with the Integrated Data Thought Entity? Maybe one of the rogue factions?

"No. Although the data manipulation shares some similarities with the Data Integrated Thought Entity, it works on different principles. Neither is it related to the Sky Canopy Domain. I believe it to be the result of a known phenomena to the Data Integrated Thought Entity. Similar manipulations have been discovered in the past all over the universe but no identifiable cause has been found. "

Wait; is that the eldritch abomination version of crop circles?

"…"

"Perhaps."

If I didn't know better, I'd almost say you were cracking a joke there. So okay, you don't know what's causing this. Do you know how I can get out?

"From the outside I am attempting to deconstruct the various layers of data. It is incredibly well constructed and the spread of information is unfamiliar to me. I estimate somewhere between 24-48 more hours. However, time will continue to pass for you inside, and both you and Haruhi Suzumiya are in considerable danger until then."

"Yeah, great. Well, I figured as much anyways. Oh, speaking of danger, there's this kid named Battler who freaked out and nearly assaulted me earlier. "

I quickly recanted everything I knew about that red haired lunatic to Nagato. His cold demeanor from the start, avoiding everyone, the weird angry conversation we had, the drinking…

"I see."

"…"

"Some of the programs imbedded in this data space indicate it may be possible for the program to reset, rewrite, and rerun itself."

Reset and rerun? Wait, you don't mean…?

"It is possible that Battler Ushiromiya possesses the ability to remember previous iterations of the program. "

So he's stuck in a time loop? Holy crap. I guess that explains a lot. Now I kind of feel bad. And to think what that did to you Nagato, and he's just a normal human.

"…"

"Can you help him?"

Yeah, I'll do my best Nagato.

"If there is anything else you wish to say, I only can maintain the connection for a short while longer."

Crap, out of time already? What about the mystery? You're working hard outside, but what do I do in here?

"…"

"I do not know. Data on the events of Rokkenjima is missing. Likely this data space is the cause. However, there are no indicators that point towards unlocking the space from the inside. "

"Guess I'm on my own then. Oh well, thanks anyway."

"You are not on your own. Haruhi Suzumiya is with you."

…

"Right. Thanks, Nagato. And don't feel bad about this whole situation, you hear me? I'm counting on you to do what you can from out there as well. Take care."

"Be careful."

With that, there was a click, and then a dial tone. I wonder if Nagato was actually talking into a phone on her end. The audio quality was a lot better than what you'd expect from a phone like that too. Whatever.

I made my way back to the bed, and lay down, staring at the ceiling. This is a lot to take in all at once, you know?

* * *

><p>"Kyon you idiot! What do you think you're doing!"<p>

*Fwump*. Something soft and fluffy hit me square in the face. A pillow? Huh?

"Do you have any idea how long I've been looking for you? And here you are just taking a nap! You could've said something you know!"

Guess I must have dozed off. Haruhi stood next to the bed, looking furious, and holding another pillow. Yawning, I sat up and kept my arm in front of my face in case of another attack.

"Yeah. Sorry about that, I guess. The dinner was uh, really good, and it made me tired. I thought I told the servant, what was her name, Shannon to tell you guys, but I must've dozed off before then."

"Hmph."

The best lies are seeded with a grain of truth. That dinner really did make me tired.

"Argh, what is with you? Have you forgotten where we are and what's going on? How can you be so calm about all of this that you just take a nap? "

Well this is all pretty shocking, but it's not like I haven't been in mortal peril before. Of course, you don't know that. Besides, I know what I said earlier, but I'm not sure what we're supposed to do at this point. Also, what time is it?

"Dinner was three hours ago, you idiot. The adults kept pestering poor Maria about the letter, but she kept insisting it was Beatrice. She threw a tantrum, and eventually we all got sent back to the guesthouse and the adults decided to have their conference early on account of the letter."

So how did it take you to realize I wasn't there?

"About an hour. I figured you decided to take a bath or something, so I did the same. Eventually I snuck out and back to the mansion, but I couldn't find you anywhere!"

You had to sneak out?

"Yeah, they didn't want the kids going near the conference. I managed to slip by and overhear some of it though. They were saying some really nasty stuff in there. I mean, they were all really nice to us, but their father is in poor health, and all they care about is his money and how it's going to be divided amongst them. The three of them, uh, Eva, Ruduolf, and Rosa, were teaming up on Krauss to try and extort money from him. But I bet they'd turn on each other in an instant if there was any profit in it."

I see. So that's the kind of people they are. To tell you the truth, I suspected they were hiding something from the beginning. It's kind of sad to hear about it, really. Haruhi sat down next to me on the bed, hugging the pillow she had been holding tightly.

"Still… Even if they're people like that, they've been so nice to us, and… Kyon, I just can't believe it. Are people going to die tomorrow? How can we save them if we don't even know what or how it's going to happen? We don't even have any leads."

…

I was at a loss for words. To tell you the truth, Haruhi's words echoed my own thoughts exactly. Here we were, trapped in… a dataspace? A copy? A book? Whatever you call it, one where a bunch of people get killed. Yet all we were doing was making friends with people Wait, actually I had seen something a little suspicious. Well two things, but I want to deal with Battler on my own now.

"Oh, that's right. I met two of the servants on my way up here. A girl named Shannon, and I think her younger brother Kanon. They seemed nice enough, but when I asked them what they knew about Beatrice, Kanon got pretty angry and insisted I drop the subject. They definitely seemed like they were hiding something."

"Huh? I met an old lady named Kumasawa in the kitchens when I was looking for you. She was really nice and sweet, and gave me some snacks, but she also warned me not to misplace anything because "Beatrice-sama will snatch it up as soon as your back is turned!" It's probably just some silly superstition the servants have. "

Fine, ignore my sleuthing. I think there might be something there. This Beatrice is coming up way too much for it not to be important.

"Hey Kyon, what do you think would happen if we staked out the place at night, and tried to catch the murderer in the act?"

That… sounds like it could be a terrible idea. Suppose we do catch him, what do we do, ask him politely to stop? We'd probably just join the body count. Or maybe we'd wander around the mansion all night to find out the horrible truth: That we were the real killers the entire time!

"Ugh. There's no way I can accept lame plot twists like that. And I'd never kill anyone, got it? But I guess you're right, it's probably not a good idea. So what then, do we just wait here?"

I guess so. I'm not really seeing another option here, plus it's already pretty late. Maybe you should call the guest house and let them know you're up here.

With a sigh, Haruhi nodded and made her way to the phone. Kind of felt like admitting defeat. I took the chance to go to the dressers, find a pair of pajamas, and change out of my (Actually George's) clothes. I'm not quite sure who Haruhi was talking to on the other end, but she had to apologize a bit, insist she was tired and going to bed, and not bother us after this. Afterword's, Haruhi ran off to her own adjoining room.

To my surprise, she came back a few minutes later in her (Jessica's?) pajamas, carrying a big bundle of blankets and pillows.

"I don't think it's safe if we stay apart tonight, okay?"

So what, you're just going to sleep on the floor?

"We were going to do that when camping anyways, remember? And no, I'm going to sleep on this couch here."

Oh yeah, that's right. Rich people room. There was a long, thin couch on the other side of the room. It was really more of a padded bench and didn't look that great for sleeping, but if Haruhi insists. It's probably for the best anyways.

Taking another look around the room, this place is stocked .There's even a mini fridge and a private bathroom. We could hole up here for awhile, if necessary.

With that thought, I made my way to the door and locked it, set the chain and the bolt. Then, with a second thought, I found one of the chairs in the room and propped it underneath the door. I bet the servants probably have keys for the room or something, but that should keep anyone out short of a battering ram. I repeated the ritual for Haruhi's adjoining room, then again for the door from her room to mine. When I got back, I found Haruhi moving the furniture around – I guess there was a second, identical couch on the other side of the room, and she was pushing them together. Now that might actually be comfortable.

I made sure to check all the windows – It was raining outside, pretty hard. I think I remember Koizumi saying something about a typhoon making this place a closed circle? Then checked the bathroom, and the closet for good measure. And under the bed. Hey, if you're going to be thorough….

"Commander. I'm happy to report Castle Von SOS Brigade is 100% secure, all entries are locked, and no enemies are hiding within!"

Haruhi smiled at that. She had built herself an impressive nest at this point. I found myself grinning a bit too, thinking of childhood games spent building fortresses out of pillows and blankets. But this really isn't the situation for such innocent memories.

"Alright, lights out."

I flicked the switch and made my way back to my bed, and buried myself in the covers. The room was surprisingly chilly now that I noticed, and the sound of hard rain and wind battered the windows.

…

"Hey, Kyon. Do you think Mikuru, Yuki, and Koizumi are okay? I mean, do they even know we're gone?"

They do, Haruhi, and they're trying their hardest to get us out of this. Even Asahina-san.

"Don't worry. We'll see them again soon, I promise."

"Goodnight, Kyon."

"Goodnight, Haruhi.".

…

I lay awake for a long time, listening to the sounds of the rain and Haruhi's breathing. I had already taken a nap, and wasn't particularly tired. And, well, I was scared. Scared of what had already happened, but more scared of what was to come.

…

Huh? Whats that sound?

…

Hah, I was right.

Haruhi does snore.


	4. Chapter 3: Opening Gambit

The following contains spoilers for The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (**Including novels 10/11) **as well as Umineko no naku koro ni. Both franchises are the properties of Nagaru Tanigawa and Ryukishi07 respectively.

* * *

><p>My dreams were pretty much exactly what you'd expect from someone in a situation like this. I didn't sleep well. I was glad when a particularly loud thunderclap woke me up in the morning.<p>

Faint light streamed through the shutters, but the storm raged harder than ever. Getting up, after a rather long stretch, I made my way to the windows to look outside. The grounds outside the mansion looked gray and lifeless. _Just like closed space._ I could hear Haruhi stirring from her nest – that thunderclap must've woken her too.

"Mmmf. *Yawn* 'Morning Kyon. "

Well, aren't you a sight waking up.

"Shut up. You've got a bit of drool on your face too, you know."

Haruhi got up and shambled her way into the bathroom. I took the chance to get dressed, and then check on last night's preparations. Everything still seemed to be locked and in order, although the chair had apparently fallen down in the night. The bolt and chain were still set, at least.

After a few minutes, Haruhi came back out, her hair straightened out and looking considerably less ratty. She went to undo my locks to the side room so she could get her cloths, and I took the chance to use the bathroom myself.

I really felt like I needed to brush my teeth, but this wasn't actually a hotel, and there weren't any toothbrushes here. And I certainly wasn't going to use somebody else's. Damn, it's dark in here. Where the hell is the light switch anyways?

*Click*

Guaaaah!

No, I did not just scream like a girl. Though probably had a reason too. Flipping on the light drew my attention to the mirror, where a message was written just for me.

"_**Did you sleep well last night, Kyon?"**_

It was written in English with what appeared to be red lipstick, over the length of the whole mirror. What the hell! How did this get here? How did Haruhi not see it? Wait, she didn't write it, did she? I don't think she'd actually pull a prank like that at a time like this? Does she even own lipstick?

I took a deep breath to calm myself, then suddenly had the oppressive feeling I was being watched. Wait, that's not even Haruhi's handwriting. Well I don't think it I, but I guess I don't see her write English often. Might as well just ask her.

"Hey Haruhi, did you—"

Kyaaa!

Haruhi screamed from the other room. I dashed over there faster than I knew I could run. She was staring at the door to the hallway in horror.

"Kyon, there's... It's…"

I followed her gaze to what had her so shocked. A dark, red liquid was seeping underneath the door.

"Haruhi, get back. "

I quickly swept my gaze around the room for anything that could be used as a weapon. There's got to be something in here. Aha! I ran over to a window, and climbing on a nearby end table, managed to yank out one of the curtain rods. It was old fashioned, made of a hollow brass tube, and seemed relatively sturdy.

Weapon in hand, I approached the door, ready for the worst. I slid the bolt and chain back.

"Do it, Kyon."

I swung the door open hard then gripped my curtain rod like it was a baseball bat.

…

Huh?

That wasn't what I expected. There was a big puddle of… _red_ on the floor, and painted on the wall in red directly across from the door was what appeared to be some kind of magic circle, a 6 pointed star inside of a two circles. There was nobody in sight, but this is just..."

"Huh? Kyon, this is just paint."

Yeah, I can smell it too. Was this somebody's idea of a bad joke? I leaned out into the hallway to peer down both ends. Nobody in sight. Haruhi cautiously stepped over the puddle to inspect the circle.

"Hmm, the paint is still a little wet here. That means whoever did this did it recently.

"Maybe it was Maria. Back when we were all hanging out in the guesthouse, she showed me her journal which had some circles in it like this."

"Come on Kyon, do you really think a 9 year old could do something like this? She'd need a stepladder just to make the whole thing!"

Hmm. Maybe we should call someone, tell them what happened.

"Good idea."

Haruhi went to the phone to go dial someone and report this heinous crime of vandalism. I kept watch in the hallway – Maybe one of the servants would wander by or something.

"Huh? The phones dead. The storm must've knocked it out."

That's weird. I thought this place had an internal line. Let's just head down there ourselves. Is there anything you need before we go?

"No, let's hurry. I'm worried, Kyon."

Weapon still in hand, we cautiously made our way down the corridor. If this all turned out to be a false alarm, I had a good excuse ready. Hey wait, left or right here… Haruhi, do you know the way?

"Of course I do. When you were playing chess with George I had Jessica show me all around the mansion, and I made sure to remember it all. It wouldn't do to get lost in a place like this. "

Haruhi pointed me in the right direction, until we finally reached the great stairs leading down to the entry hall. Huh? It sounds like people are talking down there. And that's the sound of… crying? No, wailing.

We rushed down the stairs, straight into the pit of hell

"Kyon… no, this cant' be real… this isn't actually happening, is it?"

The scene displayed before us was unimaginable; truly, something dragged from the darkest depths of a nightmare. There was a design painted around the portrait of Beatrice in the entry hall: a 6 pointed star inside a circle. At each point of the star was a body, crucified to the wall with long iron spikes sticking from the hands and legs.

It was Krauss, George, Kyrie, Rudolf, Genji, and an old woman who must have been Kumasawa. Their faces seemed frozen in expressions of pain and anguish. Blood had leaked from their wrists and feet, dripping down over the portrait of Beatrice, giving the witch an even more chilling demeanor.

My stomach suddenly roiled, and my vision swam before my eyes. I couldn't focus properly, and the curtain rod slipped from my grasp. I could barely hear the wails of despair coming from the others nearby, but I was acutely aware of the iron death grip Haruhi currently had on my arm, as she leaned on me for support. It occurred to me I was leaning on her as well.

"Kyon… there's six of them… just like in the riddle. So Koizumi's story was… we're going to die, aren't we?"

"Haruhi, listen. Do you remember that thing I asked you to do earlier? Please, could you try to do it again?"

Could you try to wake up?

* * *

><p>"George! How can this really be true!"<p>

"D-dad… *Sniff*"

"Brother…"

This was real. I had seen this outcome from the very start, and could do nothing to stop it. And yet, some part of me had still doubted the situation, didn't really believe something like this could happen. And now, seeing this…

There was something hot and wet on my arm – Haruhi buried her face in my sleeve. I didn't know any of these people very well and barely even talked to most of them. But, pinned up like that, and their faces… But my loss was nothing compared to others. What tears can I shed compared to a mother who lost her only son? A loving daughter who's father has been ripped away. They've all lost friends and family dear to them here. We're just outsiders. And yet…

This is just too much.

…

I barely remember what happened next. It took a good 10 minutes for most of the people to calm down, and Eva simply wouldn't stop wailing. Rosa took charge, and her and Dr. Nanjo led everyone into the lounge to get away from the bodies. I was in a bit of a daze, and sort of just followed along.

"Hey, Kyon. C'mon, are you okay?"

Huh?

The two of us sat in the corner on a small couch. The adults who could collect themselves seemed to be arguing about something, talking about contacting the police or some such. Haruhi looked up with reddened eyes.

"So Koizumi was right. 6 people just like the riddle. I didn't want to believe it at first, but now… Kyon, the riddle keeps going on, but we're going to stop them this time, okay? "

Haruhi's eyes burned with a steadfast determination. Wait a second, Haruhi, are you trying to cheer _**me **_up?

Hah. I must've been more out of it than I thought. But she's right – this is just the beginning. Just as I was about to stand up and try to get a better handle on the situation though—

"You!"

An accusation, flung across the room directly at me. Eva was on the other side of the room, staring directly at me, her eyes filled with a murderous hatred. Uh-oh.

"You did it! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOOK MY GEORGE FROM ME!"

"Honey, wait!"

You know, I kind of had a feeling this would happen too. It's pretty obvious, right? Remote mansion, someone gets murdered, who's the most obvious suspect? The two mysterious teenagers with flimsy backstories who showed up out of the blue. Hell, I'd suspect me.

"And you have the nerve to wear his clothes too! Give him back, give me back my George you bastard!"

Eva was rapidly making her way towards me, ignoring the protests of her husband and siblings. This was going to very hard to talk my way out of. Look, let's all calm down here and talk this out before—

Gyuh!

Eva interrupted my half started sentence with a brutal roundhouse kick to my side, and I went sprawling backwards. Holy crap; that middle aged woman can pack quite a punch.

"Kyon!"

"Eva, that's going too far, isn't it! We don't know it was them!"

"Shut up! It was them, it had to be them! Murderer!"

I pulled myself up on all fours, feeling at my ribs. Did she break something? Hey, come on lady, do you really think I'm capable of—

Interrupted again, this time with sweeping kick to my jaw. As I fell down, I had the odd thought that all the money my parents spent on my dental work probably just went to waste. Hey look, there's a stain on the carpet.

"Stop it! Kyon could never do something like that"

"You… you're a part of it too, aren't you? You helped him kill George you little bitch!"

As I was down for the count, Eva turned her attention to Haruhi and began advancing on her as she backed away. Damn it; got to get up. I managed to pull myself to my feet, and spat out the blood that was starting to pool, wiping my mouth.

"Don't you dare touch her."

Halfway to Haruhi, Eva turned back around to face me. This is going to suck. Does anyone who is actually good at fighting want to take my place and play the part of the hero?

"Do you think you're some kind of badass, huh? Protecting your little girlfriend? Did you do it to impress her? IS THAT WHY YOU KILLED GEORGE!"

This time she came at me with some sort of jumping snap kick aimed at my chin. Damn, is the Ushiromiya family also known for its martial arts? I was ready for it, but barely. I managed to dodge backwards, but lost my balance and fell to my knees. Eva stood, looming over me. A manic smile had crept on to her face.

"That's right. You killed George. It's only fair that I should do the same to you, right?"

Damn, she's serious. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? And why the hell wasn't anyone helping me? I stole a quick glance to the sidelines, and their faces answered for me. They all think I did it too.

I wasn't really in a position to dodge. Eva lifted her leg above her head, ready to smash a devastating axe kick down on my skull. A blow like that could easily kill me, or at the very least knock me out until she finishes the job. Guess this is it. Since she was still wearing that _Qipao_, at least my last sight was an awesome one.

"STOP IT! _**[Red] KYON AND I HAVE NEVER KILLED ANYONE! [Red]**__"_

…

…

…

Huh?

"Hey, Kyon, are you okay? Snap out of it? What's going on with everyone?"

What the? I was… on the couch now? What just happened? Haruhi was dabbing at my face with a handkerchief, and Eva was over on the floor quietly sobbing.

"Kyon, you're okay. And hold still, you're bleeding a bit. I was worried she had knocked you out or something. I shouted something and everyone suddenly stopped. Nobody even blinked for a good 30 seconds. What the hell is going on here?"

Huh? Is that what happened? I… can't seem to recall. Whatever, it's probably not important. I mean, we've got a bunch of dead people and a murder to solve, right?

"Huh? Don't just brush me off like that Kyon, I'm being serious!"

"It seems like the phone lines are no longer working. Are the two of you doing alright?"

That came from Rosa, who was standing over us looking down. She seemed to be very level headed and cool, and because of that had taken charge of the situation.

"I've lost two brothers, a nephew, and servants who have been raising me my entire life you know. But my daughter is still alive, and I'm going to protect her."

I see. Hrm, where was Maria anyways? Ah, there she is. She was sitting on a different couch next to Jessica and her Mom, who seemed to have stopped crying for now. Maria seemed to be completely unperturbed by the situation, happily scribbling away in a coloring book. I suppose she's too young to understand.

Battler was lying back in a recliner, looking bored. If he really was stuck in a time loop, I suppose it's understandable. Wait; is it possible we could get stuck here too? No. We're going to get solve this thing, and Nagato is working to get us out too.

The three remaining servants; Shannon, Kanon, and Gohda were standing in a corner, looking downcast. Hideyoshi was by his wife, comforting her, and Dr. Nanjo was with Rosa, helping her keep the situation under control. So 6 people are dead, and there are 13 people in here, counting myself and Haruhi. The only person unaccounted for was Kinzo. Hey, has anyone told him what happened?

"Huh? Oh, you're right. We really should tell father, make sure he's okay."

"I'll go. It's my duty as the wife to successor of the head."

Natsuhi stood up, with a face streaked from crying; but determined. She seems like the kind of person who takes the duties of being a wife and mother very seriously.

"Hideyoshi and I will go too. We're going to go check on my father and tell him what's going on. Nobody here is to leave this room until we come back, understand?

Looks like Eva's made her recovery as well. After a bit more discussion, the trio left to go visit the elusive owner of the mansion. I took the chance to lean back and stretch a bit. Man, my jaw really hurts. Are any of my teeth loose?

The next five minutes was probably one of the most uncomfortable silences in my life. Everyone just sat there, nursing their internal wounds. (Or external ones, in my case). Finally, Maria got up from the couch and broke the ice.

"Look mommy! I drew Beatrice-sama!"

"Huh? Oh, that's very nice dear."

Everyone seemed to relax a bit after that, and a few attempts at small talk were made. Well, might as well make my move now. Might not get another chance.

"Hey, Haruhi. I'm going to go talk to Battler, see if he's doing alright. You know, guy to guy."

"Huh? Oh, that's a good idea. I didn't realize you'd manage to make friends with him though. He seemed so distant compared to the Jessica and…. George. Right, I'll go talk to Jessica too, okay? And don't say anything stupid!"

Haruhi ran across the room to go sit by Jessica, who seemed grateful for the company. I guess those two really seem to get along. I couldn't help but smile a bit, remembering the Haruhi I had first met; what seemed like ages ago. She's changed so much. But never mind that. I made my way over to Battler. His chair was located in an isolated corner of the room, so we'd have at least a little privacy.

"Hey."

The way Battler was slouched in his chair reminded me of the way villains are depicted slouching in their thrones. His arrogant, slightly amused smirk wasn't really helping matters either. In fact, his right hand was loosely gripping a wine glass, which he swirled the contents of idly.

"Are you enjoying the first twilight? It was pretty spectacular this time around. She normally doesn't do anything this elaborate – It must be a special show just for you. You should feel honored. "

His arrogant posture was matched by an arrogant, condescending tone of voice. It reminded me of certain someone, which in normal circumstances would piss me the hell off. But no, I have to focus.

"Should you really be drinking that so openly?"

"I'm eighteen, after all. And I'm just so traumatized by the death of my Dad and Step-mom that I have to drown my sorrows."

That's an obvious lie. You don't even care anymore, do you? How long has this been going on for you, I wonder? Battler drained the rest of his glass, and then set it down on the floor, leaning back and tenting his fingers. Aren't you trying a bit hard here?

"Look, I'll just cut straight to the point. You're stuck in a time loop, aren't you?"

There we go. Battler's arrogance and smirk vanished in an instant, replaced with surprise and anger.

"How do you know that?"

"You just told me."

See? I can be arrogant and cliché too. Battler stared at me for a long time before replying.

"I guess I'll ask this again. Who are you?"

I took a quick glance around the room to make sure nobody was paying attention. Good. Now, how to put this.

"I'll just be as honest as possible here. Haruhi and I are from the year 2011. We came to Rokkenjima to investigate a decades old mystery. Some stuff happened, and the two of us woke up here, in 1986."

Battler gave me a long, considering look. It felt kind of weird just telling all of that to a complete stranger. But this is Nagato's request, and I would never wish for anyone to go through even a fraction of what she had to go through.

"Hah. Hahahaha. I see. From the future, huh? Not the first time it's happened, I guess. But that was… You're not secretly related to me or something, are you?"

Huh? I doubt it. I think I'd know if I had a family like the Ushiromiya's connected to mine, even distantly.

"Well then. Welcome to Rokkenjima, future boy. Spoilers: Everybody dies. But you seem to know that already. Is everyone from the future so casual about something like this?"

That half-smirk, half-self loathing look had returned to his face, and Battler reached down to grab his glass. Pulling a bottle from the folds of his chair, he filled it, and offered some to me. Yeah, I don't think this is really the time.

"Actually, I kind of tend to get in situations like this a lot. I've even been stuck in a time loop before."

Battler did a spit take at that, and his eyes went wide with surprise.

"What? How did you?"

I cut him off with a raised hand.

"Sorry, but it's really nothing compared to you. It lasted almost 600 years, but I couldn't remember any of the previous loops, just the last one. However, a friend of mine remembered every second, and it hurt her more than I possibly care to imagine."

Battler idly rubbed at the wine now staining his jacket before sighing.

"600 years. That's a long time. I can't really say how long this has been going on anymore. I just drink now, and let it all pass by. I've… tried everything. _**Everything...**_"

Tears suddenly welled up in his eyes, and look of deep regret and shame. This time, he took a long drink straight from the bottle.

"I just want to forget now."

That's… what's a guy to say to something like that? I suddenly felt very glad my past memories had been denied to me during that endless summer. Could this be me, for a want of a nail?

"Look. I've never been here before in any of your time loops, right? We can solve this mystery, and put an end to your eternal torment. Let you, no, everyone on the island have the rest they deserve. But I'll need your help."

Battler stared at the ground for a long time. When he finally looked back up, his gaze met mine with a look of steely anger.

"Out of everything I've been through, all the tragedy, the lies, the horror. Out of all the tortures I've been put through, do you know which one is the cruelest, and most painful?"

…

"**It's hope.**"

* * *

><p>Battler refused to say anything after that. To think, something could break a man that far… I returned to the couch, lying back and resting my eyes for a bit. I hadn't gotten much sleep, and after the additional rush this morning I was starting to feel very tired.<p>

"Hey. How did it go?"

Haruhi plopped back down on the couch next to me, looking inquisitive. I suppose I couldn't get away with a nap like this anyways.

"Oh, you know. He was really torn up about it."

"I see."

Haruhi sighed, and laid back into the couch the same way I was.

"You know… if this were another time and place, I'd invite Jessica into the SOS Brigade. She'd make a good fit, I think. And Maria would be an honorary member, like your little sister. And if you think he'd work, you could invite Battler too."

Not that he doesn't have his reasons for acting the way he does, but the guy kind of pisses me off, honestly. Invite as many girls as you want, but I think the SOS Brigade is full on its quota for other guys.

"Pervert."

She smiled a bit, at that. Just then, the doors opened and the scouting party returned. Eva, Hideoyoshi, and Natsuhi made their way back in, each of them carrying what appeared to be a shotgun. Great, more dangerous things. Hideoyoshi was carrying two of them, one of which he handed to Rosa as she approached, and they held a short, hushed conversation. After a bit, they broke apart, and Natsuhi turned to address the room.

"My father Kinzo Ushiromiya is missing. We tried to contact him, and when that didn't work, we used the master key to gain access to his study. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found."

I see. You know, I was kind of hoping to get to meet the guy at some point, but it's starting to look like that won't happen. The three women made their way back around the room, talking to people individually. I guess we were just going to sit here for now.

And so we sat, doing nothing for the next couple minutes. The whole time, Haruhi seemed to be fidgeting restlessly. If something's bothering you, just go ahead and say it.

"Kyon. It's now or never right? Are you ready? C'mon, let's do this."

Huh? What are you talking about? Haruhi, wait a second!

Haruhi stood up from the couch, and moved to a position near the center of the room, clearing her throat loudly.

"Excuse me everyone. I'm really thankful for your hospitality, and I'm really sorry for intruding, but I think it's very important we have this discussion.

Huh? – That thought of mine was probably shared by the entire room. Just what is she getting at here?

"It might be a bit presumptuous of me, but I believe we need to confront the reality of the situation. And that reality is this: We're stuck on this island, in the middle of the storm, and the police cannot be contacted. Six people have been killed. So, the killer was someone unknown to all of us, it was, and I apologize for the insult, the missing Kinzo Ushiromiya, or… It was one of the twelve people in this room. "

Your declaration might have a little more impact if you didn't suck at counting, Haruhi.

"Hold on a second! How dare you! You have no right to make such accusations! You're just an outsider!"

That came from Natsuhi, who admittedly had a bit of a point.

"I know that, and I'm sorry. But please, hear me out. Shouldn't a detective be a neutral, third party? I know it's presumptuous of me, but I just want to get to the bottom of this. "

"That's just… but"

"Mom, it's okay. I think she's right. We should listen to her, for now at least."

Jessica came to Haruhi's defense. Natsuhi just stood there, sputtering, until Jessica got up and led her back to the couch.

"Ohohoho. You're a detective now, are you? Why don't you share your brilliant deductions with us, little girl? Tell us who you think is responsible for the death of my son!"

Eva sneered at Haruhi with arrogance and contempt, her grin resembling that of an evil noblewoman. (Which I suppose, she just might be.) However, her eyes still betrayed a sense of manic desperation.

"Right. Well then. The first thing we should look at is the nature of the crime itself. 6 murders at once, painstakingly laid out in an elaborate fashion, complete with a mysterious magic circle to mark the location of the bodies. The number of deaths also matches the number in the witches riddle. Kyon! What does this tell you!"

Gah, I'm being put on the spot? Warn me beforehand next time, this isn't the lightning round on some game show! Let's see. Normally if you want to kill someone and get away with it, you hide the body. Something like this… I suppose the point would be to scare us?

"Correct! Something this elaborate and brutal only could be meant as a message to those who are still alive. Further evidence comes with what Kyon and I found when we woke up this morning. Someone had painted an identical "Magic Circle" outside of the room, and recently too. The paint was still wet. And last night, we received a letter from someone claiming to be the witch Beatrice, filled with vague threats and strange declarations. When you add all of this up, it seems like someone really wants us to be afraid, and believe that this was all accomplished with magic, or as a part of a dark ritual."

What makes you so sure it wasn't, Haruhi? Nothing is particularly normal about his whole situation anyways. And I had totally forgotten about the magic circle outside our room until now. With all the excitement… Crap, I forgot about the lipstick on the mirror thing too. That might've been an important clue. Guess I'll have to wait until Haruhi's done to bring it up.

"This next part… well…"

Haruhi turned a little pale, and took a few calming breaths before continuing.

"Dr. Nanjo, I noticed that there are a lot of blood streaks staining the portrait of Beatrice. Could you please tell everyone why?"

"Ah, well. I'm afraid to say that suggests that the victims were still alive when they were being crucified."

I suddenly had the strong urge to empty my stomach. Judging by the reactions of some of the others, my sentiments were echoed. Eva broke down into wailing sobs again, and Haruhi looked very regretful for bringing this up, but continued on anyways.

"I'm very sorry. But what also puzzling is the arrangement of the bodies. The portrait of Beatrice is maybe 20ft tall, and getting someone still living up there too… It would be very difficult. One can presume than, that they were unconscious, and possibly drugged. To accomplish something like this, the culprit would need something like a tall, sturdy stepladder. Is there anything like that here on the island? "

Haruhi was only answered with silence, as everyone seemed to look toward everyone else for an answer. Until finally, Shannon spoke up from the corner where she'd been waiting this whole time. I'd forgotten she was even there.

"U-um. I believe there is a ladder like that in the storage shed, out back. It's normally kept locked though…"

"Huh? Oh, hi there. You must be Shannon-chan, right? Kyon mentioned you, but I guess we haven't had a chance to meet until now. Anyway, who all has the keys to the shed?"

Something felt off. I had the very distinct feeling that I was missing something. Something important. But whatever it was, the thought kept floating just out of my grasp. Damnit.

"There is a key to the shed located in the servant's room. Furthermore, every servant carries a master key which would allow access to the shed as well.

"I see. Four keys, huh? Guess that doesn't answer any questions… hmm."

Haruhi thought for a bit, pacing back and forth. She was building up momentum earlier, but it looks like its run out.

"I guess I'd like to ask everyone for their alibi's, and we can start to form a—

"Enough of this! I won't sit around any longer listening to this farce! You think playing detective just gives a right to insult my family? Come on Jessica. We're going to go find father, and have him put an end to this."

"But, Mom, wait!"

Natsuhi got up with an explosive display of anger, and after verbally abusing Haruhi a bit more, she drug Jessica out of the room and slammed the door behind her. Hey, is that really safe?

Haruhi just kind of stood there with her mouth open for awhile. The moment was gone, and everyone else turned their attention elsewhere. Eventually, Haruhi plopped back down on the couch next to me and buried her face in her hands.

"How do the great detectives do it, Kyon? Holmes, Poiroit, and all the others? I thought I had something there, but… I kept thinking about how all the victims are real people, and..."

That's an easy question to answer. Sherlock Holmes is just a fictional character. His stories are fictional, the cases are fictional, and the victims are fictional. Unfortunately, this is reality, and reality doesn't' work like that. Well no, actually this isn't quite reality, it's more of a quasi-sub dimensional thingy where stuff plays by certain rules and honestly is probably a lot like a fictional detective novel and where was I going with this?

"Kyon… I'm missing something here, I just know it. Something that should be really obvious too… Argh!"

Yeah, I know what you mean. Something's been bugging me too. Hmm.

"I think it was something you said."

I tend to say a lot of things, and not say even more. It's kind of hard to keep track of it sometimes.

"Uuu, you shouldn't worry anymore Haru! It's already been answered!

Maria had made her way over to our couch, and patted Haruhi's head reassuringly. Haruhi looked surprised, but it was a sweet gesture, even if the image was a little silly.

"There's no need to bother with mysteries or ladders or alibis! All of this was done by Beatrice-sama with magic! Magic can do anything! And she's gonna take us all to the golden land!

Haruhi let out a little sigh, and smiled, and presumably was about to say something like "Yes, of course!" while totally blowing her off. Instead, she gasped and turned to me, eyes wide. I could practically see the light bulb flicking on.

"Kyon, that's it! Last night you mentioned talking with Shannon about Beatrice! But you also said there was another servant with her, a boy named Kanon!"

Yeah, short, kind of scrawny, and a bit of an attitude. What about him?

"Well, where is he? Where is Kanon?"

Huh? Haruhi said that last part loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. Everyone looked up startled, and then started to glance around the room looking for the missing servant. I was positive I saw him earlier, when we first got here. He was nowhere to be seen now; I guess he must've slipped out at some point when everyone wasn't paying attention.

"Huh? He was by my side a couple minutes ago; maybe he went to the bathroom?"

Shannon spoke up, looking a little flustered. No, I don't think so. I feel like he's been gone longer than that.

"Hmm, maybe we should go look for him."

Hideyoshi said, picking up the shotgun he had procured early from where it was resting on the ground.

"Yes, that's right. Let's organize a small group to go look for the boy, while the rest stay here."

Hmm. Hold on a second. Natsuhi and Jessica just left, didn't they? Maybe they've already seen him. I'll run to where they went real quick, see if they have any info.

_Or to warn them he might be the culprit._

"Huh, Kyon? You're not serious are you? What if—

It's fine, don't worry about it. I'll be back in no time. I kept brushing Haruhi off as I got directions to Natsuhi's and Jessica's room from Hideyoshi. It would be a good place to look first, anyways. He offered me one of the guns, but I refused. I'd be more likely to shoot myself with it than anyone else. I quickly made my way out of there before Haruhi could actually get around to stopping me.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Splitting up in a murder mystery? But I had a hunch, a gut feeling that told me I'd find something out here, a clue, or the answer, or something worse. Besides, if I'm going to uncover the nature of this data anomaly, it's best to do it when Haruhi's not watching.

I made my way through the mansion at a light jog. I had to go through the entry hall again and pointedly kept my eyes glued to the floor. Hey, my curtain rod. I reequipped myself, and jogged up the stairs, then down a few more corridors. This should be about it. I could hear faint voices up ahead, and light streamed from a half-opened door.

Before I could approach, a dark shadow was cast over me, and it felt like a very overpowering presence was towering above me. A deep, angry voice rang out from behind.

"Who are you, and what are you doing in my house, boy?"


	5. Chapter 4: Magic is Bullcrap

The following contains spoilers for The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (**Including novels 10/11) **as well as Umineko no naku koro ni. Both franchises are the properties of Nagaru Tanigawa and Ryukishi07 respectively.

* * *

><p>Something about the sound of that voice froze me to the bone. I turned around to face whoever it was, very, very slowly.<p>

_Holy crap it's a gorilla!_

Nevermind, just an old guy. But wow, he's huge. He was a good head and a half taller than me, with shoulders twice as broad. Despite his receding hair and distinguished beard, he still gave the impression he could snap me in half like a twig. Add to that the long, flowing cape embroidered with a one winged eagle, and you have yourself final boss material. There was really only one person this could be.

Kinzo Ushiromiya.

"Oh. Uh, hi. I'm uh, the guy who washed up on shore the other day. Didn't they tell you?"

It's possible my voice may have been an octave or two higher for that sentence, but I seem to have forgotten, so I can't verify it. Even disregarding everything else I'd heard about man, it's easy to see why he became such a legendary and successful businessman: by sheer presence.

"What sort of game is this, my beloved? Do you really think adding more pieces to this devil's roulette will change your fate!"

I'm sorry, what? I realized that he wasn't speaking directly to me, thankfully, and instead seemed to be directing the question to nobody in particular. I took a few steps back, but his sharp glare met mine and I froze in place again.

"Uh, well, sir. I'm not sure if anyone's told you, but there's been a bunch of murders, down in the entry hall."

Real tactful of me. You know, he could be the murderer too. He definitely looks like he could drag unconscious bodies up a ladder without breaking a sweat. I gripped my trusty curtain rod tightly, but I had a feeling I might as well be carrying a tube of cardboard.

"Bwaahahahah!"

That's… not the reaction I was expecting.

"So it has finally begun. The first twilight has chosen its sacrifices, now let this be our final game to determine the winner! OOOOH BEATRICE!"

Kinzo screamed this almost at the top of his lungs, while madly grasping in the air and laughing like a madman. Well, I guess those stories certainly had some truth in them. Luckily, it seemed his insanity had no interest whatsoever in me, and Kinzo simply turned around and started walking down the hall, laughing the entire time.

I didn't breathe again until he was long out of sight and hearing. Phew. Enough excitement like this and I'll be an old man by the time I'm in my 20s. Well, that was weird, but I came here for a reason after all. I could still hear faint voices coming from a room up ahead. I began to creep closer, coming to almost outside the door, which was slightly ajar, and I could hear the conversation inside clearly.

"Mom, how can you say something like that? It's impossible, right?"

"I'm sorry sweetheart, but it's true. We've been keeping it from you this entire time…"

Eavesdropping is really a disgusting habit, but times like this call for stretching your own moral code just a little. Just a little, mind you. I'm not going to run around burning buildings or murdering people myself, but I'm considerably more likely to jaywalk in a situation like this.

"I'm sorry my lady. I was asked to participate in the deception as well. It took great care and preparation from everyone involved."

A male voice, young. I was pretty sure it belonged to Kanon. Guess my hunch was right after all.

"But Mom… for two whole years? That's insane! How could you even pull it off? Why was this even necessary?

"It's complicated, dear. But it had to do with money… we couldn't let your fathers practices be exposed, even because of his death. We could have lost the house. But now, with your father…"

Natsuhi's breath was ragged, and sounded like she had been recently crying. I was starting to feel more than a bit guilty for listening to this. Not to mention I couldn't really follow what they were talking about. Coming into the middle of the conversation, I guess that's to be expected.

"Money. Why is it always money with you! Isn't Grandfather more important than that?"

"I'm sorry, Jessica. Believe me, if we didn't believe that pretending father was still alive was the only way to protect our family, than we wouldn't have done it. I just wanted to tell you now."

Huh? I'm not sure I heard that right.

"I guess, but still… I mean, I thought it was weird that I hadn't seen him too long, but I was so busy I figured… To think, Grandfather has really been dead for the past two years…"

…

**What**

…

Whatever they said next, I didn't hear it. Now would be the perfect time for a stock sound effect, one of glass shattering, to illustrate my shattered perception of this reality. I mean this place was odd, but it was still mostly normal. But if Kinzo has been dead the entire time, who the hell did I just talk too?

Somebody else? No way, it had to be him. He matched the description, and well. I don't think anyone else could walk around this mansion and have such an air of being "The man in charge". So what was that, then? Was he a ghost? A zombie? Maybe a lich? Was I seeing things? Have I been drugged, or am I dreaming? Come to think of it, he was shouting pretty loudly. They should've heard it in this room, but surely they would've reacted, right?

I can't possibly answer this question with any degree of accuracy. Doubting my own sanity just leads to a lot of problems though, so I'll pick "Ghost". Unfortunately, if I accept ghosts as being a thing in this world, it kind of changes my whole game plan. If ghosts, then witches aren't really too far off, are they? Maybe I should go back and pay more attention to that riddle.

Unfortunately, it seems that me having a weird sub-dimensional existential crisis doesn't actually stop time from the rest of the world. I was snapped out my introspection by the shrill sound of a woman screaming in terror.

"Mom!"

"My lady, get down!"

"MOM NO!"

There was the sound of… something. Like an object ricocheting off the walls a bunch of times. Then, a sickening crunch, and Jessica screamed again. Followed by a third, unfamiliar voice – that of a woman cackling madly.

What the hell is going on in there?

"Watch out!"

"Ah! Kanon, no! Not you too!

"Please, *cough* just run…"

Everything was happening too fast! I closed the remaining distance between me and the door as fast as I could, but before I got there the door was flung open and Jessica stumbled out, her face streaked with tears and her sweater covered in blood. She swung towards my direction to continue running, but stopped short when she saw me, and managed to say-

"Kyon? What are-"

-before a strange, demonic looking stake pierced straight through her temple, silencing her forever.

* * *

><p>Have you ever seen the light go out in someone's eyes? Her expression – One of absolute terror, anger, grief, and that brief flash of confusion when she saw me. All of it was wiped out in less than a second. Never again would Jessica Ushiromiya laugh, smile, cry, or force herself to pretend to be ladylike for the benefit of her parents. All that remained was a pair of empty, soulless eyes, staring at nothing as her body slumped down to the floor.<p>

It was an image that would haunt my nightmares forever.

I didn't really have time to freak out though, because whatever was going on certainly wasn't over. In a flurry of golden sparks that resembled butterflies, a girl appeared in front of me.

She was short, with long black hair tied into pigtails. Very beautiful, and wearing some kind of red and black skirt / stocking combo that didn't leave a lot to the imagination. She gave me a long, serious look before speaking.

"So you're the new guy. Kyon, right? I guess I was expecting somebody more impressive. I am Belphegor, fourth sister of the Seven Stakes of Purgatory. As you can see, my sisters have already put the next couple twilights in motion. But since you decided to show up early, I guess it's up to me to finish the job. Hey, it'd be really great if you could help me out with this. Just close your eyes and lay back. It'll all be over in a second, 'kay?"

Oh gee, I'm sorry killing me is going to be such a hassle. She spoke in a lazy, bored tone, reminiscent of a certain someone. I gripped my curtain rod tightly and took a few steps back, but it's not like I was going to get anywhere.

"Belphegor you said? So that makes you a demon of sloth, then? It looks like you're the personification of my own greatest sin. How appropriate."

"Oh? You're pretty knowledgeable for a human. But I don't think you truly understand the meaning of sloth, boy."

It occurred to me I was about to be killed by what was basically a schoolgirl. Damnit. At least if it had been Kinzo or something I wouldn't look like such a wuss. The adrenaline was flowing through me at full force, and my brain was running through a million thoughts a second. Fight or flight? She stood in front of Jessica's body, blocking the way to the door, and the hallway which continued beyond. Behind me: just more hallway for a good 30 feet or so, and no cover whatsoever. I assumed she had some sort of magical stake launching gun or something. So, do I fight?

"Whatever. Let's just get this over with, okay? You're pretty cute, so I'm going to enjoy killing you a lot."

Looks like my decision was being made for me. Instead of firing a stake at me, she turned into one herself, spun midair to face me, and launched herself at an unbelievable speed straight towards my heart. I'm not really sure how I survived – Either some incredible luck, or straight up divine intervention, but I managed to throw myself sideways into the wall, and she only took a chunk out of my shoulder.

I say only, but it still hurt like a bitch.

"Ow! That really hurt!"

The stake flew past me a couple yards, then flipped back around and transformed back into a girl. There was a streak of blood on her mouth, which she licked her lips then wiped off with her sleeve.

"Mmm. You taste delicious, human. But really, I'm not in the mood to play, so can we skip the part where you do all the jumping around? The end is going to be the same no matter what, just accept that.

She shifted back into the stake again, and prepared to fire.

* * *

><p>But first, let's pause everything really quick to talk about me. Specifically, things I'm bad at doing, and things I'm good at doing. For instance, I'm pretty mediocre at sports. I'm no good at school, and I'm no good at fighting. And 910 people would agree that I'm pretty terrible at fighting lazy, demonic school girls who kill their targets with Freudian imagery.

So what am I good at? Well, I'm a pretty good liar. Decent at board games. And normally I'd say I'm pretty good at solving the various incidents I've been involved in, but honestly I usually just wander around aimlessly until somebody actually points me in the right direction. Come to think of it, that's exactly what I've been doing this whole time. Damnit.

Other than that, I can be pretty implacable (Current predicament notwithstanding), and at least I think I'm pretty witty sometimes. But, my two, absolute best qualities would be this.

I'm very good at reading people;

And I've absolutely perfected the art of being a slacker.

So what does that have to do with anything? Well, I looked at Belphegor and I could see that she was bored, and unmotivated. She was probably pushed into doing this by her aforementioned sisters, and just wanted to kill me and go back to whatever demons do in their spare time. We were birds of a feather, cut from the same cloth. If it weren't for the whole murderous demoness thing, she'd be a girl after my own heart.

So how does knowing she's lazy help me? Well let me also share this anecdote. I once played a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors with Taniguchi. We both picked scissors 36 times in a row before giving up in disgust.

The lesson then: A person like me tends to choose the path of least resistance, and would rather do something easy, comfortable, and familiar compared to trying something new. Even if changing habits would make things easier in the long run, it's often too much work just to make the change in the first place.

In Belphegor's case, that meant another shot straight down the middle towards my heart.

* * *

><p>I swung the curtain rod with every scrap of might, hope, and prayer that I had. Whatever divine providence had saved me from her first attack apparently had stuck around, because my swing connected with a solid *CRACK*. There was a bright flash of white light, and the rod shook so hard I nearly dropped it. Belphegor went flying backwards, ricocheting off the walls in a hundred different directions before finally sticking straight up into the ground at my feet, a large crack running up her side.<p>

What the hell? Did I actually just do that? Is this actually a curtain rod of demon slaying + 5? Belphegor turned into a girl again, on the ground on all fours. Blood ran down her face like a mask, and she was coughing it up as well. It was a nasty sight, and I almost felt bad for doing that. Had she attacked me in girl form, I probably wouldn't have been able to fight back, to tell you the truth.

"Damn it. How could I be beaten by a mere human? Just who the hell are you?"

Hmm. A question like that calls for a one liner doesn't it? Your worst nightmare? Nah. The guy who just kicked your ass? No, still isn't doing it. Oh, I've got it. I pointed my weapon down at her and gave my best delivery.

"I'm the lowest ranked member of the SOS Brigade."

Perfect.

"Fine. Enjoy your life for now, human. But it won't be much longer. Everyone on this island is fated to die in the end."

With that, she vanished into a swirl of golden butterflies, the same way she had appeared. Yes! I almost started to strike a victory pose and whistle a victory jungle, but I turned around. Seeing Jessica's corpse still lying there brought reality crashing back and the adrenaline drained out of me like a leaky water balloon.

_Jessica… I'm sorry._

I cautiously stepped over her limp form, and peered into the room she had left to confirm my suspicions'. Natsuhi lay on the bed there, an identical stake protruding from the back of her head. Kanon was sprawled on the floor with a stake in his chest. None of the stakes showed any signs of turning into girls and attacking me again, but I wasn't about to take any more chances.

After a quick bow and muttered prayer for the deceased, I left the room, and ran.

* * *

><p>I ran until the bodies were no longer in sight. Back through the hallways. Down the stairs 5 at a time. Past the carnage in the entry hall. I guess I should assume all this was done by demons too. Through a few more hallways until I finally reached the lounge where everyone was staying. Gasping for breath, I threw open the door.<p>

"Haruhi, it's—"

Huh? Where was everyone? The only people left in the room were Rosa, Maria, Battler, and Haruhi. Rosa and Maria were on their own on one of the couches, Rosa cradling one of the shotguns with a worried look on her face. Haruhi was where I had left her, but Battler seems to have joined her on the couch, and the two appeared to be talking before I burst into the room. All eyes and surprised expressions were now on me.

"Huh? Kyon, you're back? How'd it go, did you find… You're hurt! Kyon, you're bleeding, what the hell happened?"

Bleeding? Huh? Oh, right. I got hit in the shoulder. Ow, damnit. Now that I've noticed it hurts again. Actually it looks pretty deep too. Haruhi dashed across the room to inspect my shoulder worriedly.

"Ah, that looks deep. We need to bandage that right away, damnit, why did Dr. Nanjo have to go with them! Seriously Kyon, what happened?"

I opened my mouth to respond, and then froze.

What the hell could I possibly say to her?

I could always try something like: "I was attacked by a demon that looked like a school girl and could turn into a flying metal stake, but I defeated her by unleashing the super attack "Slacker Smash!" I learned from my magical improvised weapon. Oh, and Jessica, Natsuhi, and Kanon, were all killed by similar demons before I got there."

Yeah, no matter what, saying that would just be stupid. I barely believe it myself. Did all of that seriously just happen to me? It certainly felt so vivid and real when it was happening, and I've even got the battle scars to prove it. But looking back to just a few minutes ago, it almost feels like it could've just been a particularly vivid dream, or some sort of fantastical hallucination. It's just so bizarre.

One thing is definitely certain though. Despite its weirdness, I shouldn't doubt my own eyes, ears, and the bleeding hole in my shoulder. But if I accept this as true, than this story is no longer a murder mystery. It's a fantastical slasher-horror. Which, is bad news for Haruhi and I. Not that the situation wasn't tenuous enough, but at least a mystery is meant to be solved. Something like this? Just an excuse for a lot of gruesome murders.

Of course, I still don't have an answer for her question.

What the hell was I supposed to tell Haruhi? She was tearing up curtains with a pair of scissors she had borrowed from Maria, and using them to make bandages. She was trying her best to be a detective and solve this all earlier – She desperately wants to save everyone here. Can I really just tell her "The murderer, our opponent is the infinite armies of hell! Sorry, but I don't have a sword big enough nor is my hair spikey enough to deal with this kind of thing. I guess we lose!"

Could I even tell her Jessica's fate? How the person she was closest to on this island's life was snuffed out in the blink of an eye? She'll probably find out eventually but… my mouth worked itself soundlessly in a futile effort to speak.

Haruhi had gotten my shirt off now, and was staring at my wound, somewhat unsure of what to do with it. Oh hey, there's a nasty bruise on my chest from that kick I took earlier too. Lovely.

"Here, use this."

Battler had come over too, and held out a glass bottle with some sort of clear liquid.

"Huh? Where did you get this? Never mind, hold still Kyon, this might sting a bit. "

Wait, what are you—

Gyaaaaaargh! Holy crap that burns! I'd almost rather get stabbed again, %#$!

"I'm sorry Kyon, but it's for the best, okay? Now please can you tell me what happened? You haven't said anything since you got here and it's starting to scare me…"

Haruhi started wrapping the curtain-bandages around my shoulder as she looked up at me with worried eyes. Guess I'd better get this over with. She has a right to know the truth. At least some of it.

"Yeah, sorry, I guess I'm a bit out of it. I uh, got lost, so I turned back, but I was running through the halls, tripped and gashed my arm on something sticking out of the wall. Sorry. "

Guess not. Turns out I'm a coward after all.

Rosa had wandered nearby to see what was up without saying anything, and apparently seemed satisfied by my explanation. Haruhi however, looked rather dubious.

"Huh? Really? I'd expect something like that from Mikuru-chan, not you Kyon."

"She might be clumsy, but she's never seriously hurt herself. Accidents happen though, even in situations like this. I'll admit, I got careless – I was a little freaked out being all alone out there, and wasn't looking where I was going."

I've told a lot of lies to Haruhi. Why did this one hurt so much? I guess she believed it though. After she finished bandaging me up and I put my shirt back on, we returned to the couch to sit down.

"Hey, where did everyone go anyways?"

"Huh? Don't you remember? They formed groups to go look for Kanon, and maybe Kinzo. You didn't see anyone out there? Rosa stayed behind to watch over Maria, and I guess me and Battler too. "

Kanon… that's right. I suppose they're bound to stumble on his corpse eventually. As for Kinzo… suddenly the idea of him being a ghost walking around doesn't seem nearly as important as it was just a bit ago. That's right… if there are ghosts and demons and who knows what else on this island, then there's no real point in solving this mystery. Instead, Haruhi and I have to survive long enough for Nagato to get us out of here.

"Hey, Kyon. Can I ask you something?"

Like anything I say would stop you. Haruhi had an odd expression on her face, and looked around the room to see if everyone was out of earshot before continuing.

"Why did you tell Battler we were from the future?"

Crap! That idiot! Why would he bring that up with her? Wait, I never told him that Haruhi had to be kept out of the loop. Of course he'd think we were just working together on this. Damnit, I'm such an idiot! I guess that's what the two of them must've been talking about when I got here.

"Uh, did he actually tell you I said that? I was just joking around, I had no idea he'd take me so seriously."

"You're lying. He told me a lot."

Well, he just lost his parents and has actually been drinking a lot because of it; it's hard to say what his mental state is right now.

"Why are you doing this, Kyon? Running off on your own, telling Battler our secret behind my back? Even last night when you left to take a nap… and you've been pretty unhelpful and evasive about everything. We're both here. We're supposed to be solving this mystery together, aren't we? Kyon, don't you trust me?"

Huh. Didn't see that one coming. I've never really prepared for a direct accusation like this. Pretty much everything I've done since joining the SOS Brigade has been for your benefit, Haruhi. But you can't know that, and I'll keep trying my damndest to make sure you never do. I like our comfortable school life just the way it is. If I have to keep getting dragged into situations like this, fine. I've accepted my role. But you absolutely do not belong here. Nagato. Koizumi . Asahina-san. And myself. We all work our asses off to ensure you can have the school life that you actually _want_, while keeping the fantasy and nightmares out of sight where they belong.

"Yo. Am I interrupting anything?"

Just in the nick of time. Right before I was about to actually say something, Battler approached the couch and greeted us casually. At the very least, he bought me some time to think up a better response.

"Actually we're kind of in the middle of something here."

"No, it's fine. Did you need anything?"

Haruhi shot me a nasty glare for that one, but it was cut off when Battler rudely plopped on the couch in between us, lying back and kicking up his feet on the coffee table. Man, his attitude's totally changed again. Maybe mood swings come with the whole time loop thing.

"Y'know, Kyon. I've been thinking a lot about what you said. I might have been a little melodramatic before. Hope may have burned me in the past, but even if you suck and it's just a false hope, what's a little extra pain matter? The odds might be astronomically low, but who knows. You might be able to find the key to escape. Gambling with a low chance of success is the basis of magic, you know."

So, what you're saying is…

"That's right. I've decided to help you. Battler Ushiromiya isn't dead yet."


	6. Chapter 5: Checkmate

"Huh? Kyon, what's going on? What is he talking about?"

Guess he didn't tell all that much after all. Oh well, I guess I can let this much slip at least.

"Haruhi. I'm sorry I didn't mention this earlier, but, well, a lot was going on and I didn't want to distract you from the mystery or anything. For Battler, this murder mystery has happened over and over again. In short: He's stuck in a time loop."

"What? You didn't tell her? I thought something was weird talking to her earlier. Some boyfriend you are."

I'm not her… Oh never mind. That's not really the point now, is it?

"A time loop… is that really possible? Well, I mean, we're here in the first place but… that must have been so awful, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. "

"You're right. You can't."

Battler snapped at her with that same cold, angry tone he'd had when we first met. Guess his personality shift isn't as drastic as I thought. He seemed to be trying though, as he shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

"I'm sorry. This… this is pretty hard for me. It's like trying to be someone you used to be… do you think you could accurately imitate yourself as a 10 year old? But please, let's not dwell on the loops at all."

Yeah, I can understand that. Haruhi still looked pretty horrified at the idea, but she swallowed audibly and nodded. Maybe there's still a chance after all.

"Hmm. Maybe we should work together to solve the witch's riddle. That seems pretty important, you know?"

"What, that? I solved that early on, and a hundred times since then."

Wait, seriously? So you know the answer to that confusing mess, and where the gold is hidden?

"Yeah. I could take you to the gold right now if you really wanted. It's just gold though, and it won't do you any good. Every time I've bothered to solve the riddle it's only brought more grief to the island. Everyone starts fighting over the money and the inheritance. It's a huge pain."

Huh. So much for that idea. Seriously, are you sure about that? Is that really a red herring? What's the answer to the riddle anyways, at least tell me that. I'm curious now.

"The answer? It involves a lot of word play, intricate knowledge of the Taiwanese countryside, and a bunch of other stuff. It's pretty complicated; I guess I've forgotten some of those steps to solving it. But it leads to a hidden room on the island, and the password to getting inside. That part I still remember."

"Hold on a second. I know you said not to dwell on it, but I'm confused here. How is it possible that you've done this so many times but not figured out who the murderer is? There should be more than enough clues, right?"

Haruhi spoke up, her voice beginning to edge back into that confidence she has when in "Detective mode. She seemed to be accepting this time loop thing, at least. But I suppose she accepted "time travelling" here in the first place.

"Yeah, well. I gave up after awhile. But even before that, I kept trying. The details change with every repetition though. And well, it's all obscured by the illusion of the witch. It's hard to solve a mystery when you can't even trust what you're seeing."

Illusion of the witch? Huh? What; do you mean you can't trust what you see? As Battler spoke, he fidgeted a bit, and his hand twitched at his side, and if he was holding himself back from something. Probably wants to drink. First impressions tend to stick in the mind, but Battler was different practically every time I saw him. Well, I guess that matches the second impression I had of him; Insanity. But even someone who's been through all of this can pull it together for awhile, it seems.

"So… What happens? I mean, have you ever found a way to save everyone? Save anyone?"

"Nope. Everyone dies at the end, no exceptions. Well, usually about 4 people survive until the end, and for whatever reason I'm usually one of them. But we all die when everything starts over."

Haruhi's question was rebuked. The jovial attitude he had discussing this stuff seemed more reserved for someone planning their weekend. Hey, isn't there anything more you can tell us?

"If I had more useful information, I would've gotten out of here already. Sorry, but you're the hero here Kyon. Save your girl, get the shit beat out of you by my aunt, whatever. I just figured I can help a little bit, provide some support. Just on the chance you can get it right."

Damnit, why does everyone keep getting that wrong? Whatever. I'm supposed to be the hero, huh? Haruhi looked a little angry at that comment too. I wanted to ask him about what I had seen: Kinzo, and the demon girl. But I couldn't get a chance unless we could get rid of Haruhi somewhere.

"Mama, I'm hungry!"

Maria yelled loud enough to carry across the room as she tugged impatiently on her mother's skirt. As if on cue, I could hear my own, and Haruhi's stomachs growl loudly. Now that I think about it, neither of us has eaten. I don't think I could've kept anything down earlier, but I've calmed down since then. How long has it been, anyways? The storm was still raging outside, and I'm not sure what time we woke up. If there's a clock in the room, I can't see it from where I'm sitting.

Rosa stood up and approached the three of us, gun in one hand and Maria in the other. You know, I'm no expert in gun safety, but everyone seems to be waving these things around way too casually.

"The three of you are hungry too, right? I was thinking we could go to the kitchen to prepare some food. We can make enough for everyone when they get back. We should all stick together, though."

Won't they be worried if they come back and we're not here?

"Don't worry about it Kyon, we can just leave a note. She's right though, I'm starving. Maria-chan, do you have any paper I can borrow?"

Haruhi set about writing a note for the others as we prepared to leave. I'm really not sure about this whole idea. Considering what's lurking in this mansion, I think I could live a little longer without food. Everyone else seemed set on it though, and it was either that or just wait here. I suppose nothing about this room makes it particularly safe compared to any other.

Rosa led the way through the mansion to the kitchen. It wasn't particularly far, and we saw no sign of demons, ghosts, or any of the other adults. Unsurprising, like everything else in this mansion, the kitchen was pretty large, extravagant, and well stocked. I probably can't even name most of the food in here. Haruhi's a pretty good cook, but we all agreed to work together on something simple that enough that everyone could do, even Maria.

So, I found myself in one corner of the kitchen next to Battler, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

"Hey. I got attacked by some demon schoolgirl earlier that could turn into a stake. I managed to fight her off somehow, but you know. What the hell was up with that?"

The kitchen was big, but we weren't all that far apart from each other, so I kept the conversation to a hushed whisper. I'm pretty used to discussing things like this with Koizumi anyways, even when Haruhi's still in the room.

"Oh? You met one of the sisters and survived? I'm impressed. Yeah, they do that. It's pretty much like that here all the time. Which one was it, out of curiosity?"

"Belphegor of sloth, or something like that. So seriously, that's all this place is? A playground for demons?"

"You beat _Belphegor?_ She's usually so serious, and never plays with her victims like some of the others. Either you're much more of a badass than you seem, or you got really lucky man. Anyway, I wouldn't go so far as to say that those sisters are the ones killing everyone every time. Sometimes it's the goats, sometimes the bunny girls. A bunch of weird monsters. The sisters usually leave me alone, now. Until the end, anyways."

It was weird, seeing him talk so casually about something like that. Even if he's trying to be nice, whatever part of him really cared about any of this is long gone.

"Alright, fine. I need to ask you a favor though. Don't let Haruhi know about any of this stuff, okay? I want her to keep thinking this is a regular (Time travel aside), mystery, as long as I can."

Battler gave me an odd look for awhile, while finishing up the sandwich he was making.

"You're hard to follow, you know that? Maybe people are just different 25 years from now. Fine, I'll keep up your deception. But know this. Lies won't uncover the illusion of the witch."

I'm hard to follow? You're a damned emotional rollercoaster! Whatever. I went back to my sandwich making in silence, and before too long, we had a considerably sized pile stacked up on a large serving tray.

Not exactly gourmet, but PB&J is delicious no matter who you are.

"Mama, I wanna eat them now!"

"Let's wait until we get back to the lounge, okay dear?"

*Thump*

Huh? What was that? Sounded like something smacking against the door. Not the door we came into, a different one leading out of the kitchen. So where does that lead?

"Hmm? I believe that leads outside. It's still storming out after all, so the sound was probably just-"

The door handle began shaking and jiggling slightly, as if someone was trying to open it but couldn't. I don't think the door was locked though. I immediately grabbed my trusty weapon as Rosa grabbed for her shotgun, spinning for the door and barking a quick-

"Who's there!"  
>…<p>

"Please…"

A very soft voice came from the other side of the door, barely audible. I looked towards Rosa, who thought about it for a moment, then nodded as if telling me to open the door. She kept the gun raised and I approached cautiously, ready to leap backwards out of the line of fire. Here goes!

*CRACK*

There was a bright flash of lightning and deafening boom of thunder as I swung the door open, perfectly framing the silhouette of Shannon. Her clothes were torn up; she was soaked to the bone, and most strikingly, covered in blood. She must've been leaning on the door when I opened it, because she tottered and fell inside, hitting the kitchen floor with an unpleasant sound. (For the record, I was too surprised to catch her.)

"Shannon!"

"She's not… Are you okay!"

Rosa and Haruhi dashed over to Shannon, inspecting her. She was still breathing at least. I stepped outside for a moment to look for anything suspicious, but all I saw was the outside of the house and the backyard.

"Shannon, are you alright? What happened?"

She looked very pale, and for awhile heavy breathing was her only reply. As the girls looked over her, I noticed that there didn't seem to be any gaping wounds hiding under her clothes, meaning all this blood probably wasn't hers. This must mean…

"Dead…"

A heavy feeling came over my heart, and I reached over to lock the door.

"Everyone is dead… Eva and Hideyoshi… Dr. Nanjo and Gohda… they were all… "

Tears welled up in her eyes and she began sobbing wildly. I guess that means we're the only ones left. Has this murder spree already run its course?

"No… that can't be… How? Did you see what happened? Who did it? What about Jessica, and Natsuhi, and Kanon? Did you see them?"

Haruhi desperately badgered the poor girl, who was only able to shake her head vigorously in between choking sobs.

"Mmmf. Hfey Schkammon. Howbs it going? *Gulp.* Damn Auntie, these are some good sandwiches."

My jaw nearly hit the floor as I turned to stare at Battler, casually leaning back, stuffing his face with food, and talking with his mouth full. Maybe all you need to get out of this time loop is a good ass kicking!

Haruhi and Rosa both did double takes towards that comment, but shrugged it off to keep taking care of Shannon.

"Hmm. She's only cut up a little, but she also looks pretty beat up and bruised…"

After a few minutes Shannon was finally able to calm down and tell us what happened.

"We set out looking for Kanon… we found ourselves searching the Master's study. It all happened so fast… it moved like a demon… it couldn't have been human. There was blood everywhere, and I… was kicked through the window. It's the only reason I'm still alive."

Out of three story window? Holy crap. You must be as lucky as me. Haruhi didn't seem to like her explanation very much though.

"Come on, didn't you see him at all? Please Shannon, it's important. Did you see the killer? What kind of weapon was he using? I need to know!"

Haruhi kept pestering Shannon, who kept tearfully repeating her earlier assertions of demons and inhuman power. Can't you see she's been through a lot?

…

Huh? That sound…

Like the tinkling of bells.

Oh crap.

It was only one, and it seemed to be coming from outside the hall, a distance away. I froze, but when nobody else seemed to react to the sound, I approached the door to the hall and peaked outside. I looked just in time to see a small skirt flutter around a corner.

Hmm. That looked like… Waitaminute, where is—

"MARIA!"

Damnit! She must've followed the stupid butterfly! I immediately dashed into the hall after her, shouting for her to come back.

"Huh, Kyon? Where are you going? Wait up!"

I heard her get up to follow me, but I didn't stop to wait. As I slid around the corner, the hallway continued onwards, and there were several branching paths. Maria wasn't in sight. Maybe I should've done what Haruhi did and memorized the layout of this place. I picked a direction at random and charged down it. I've been lucky so far, right?

Guess not. I didn't see Maria down this corridor, but a few twists and turns brought me back to the entry hall. I caught another glimpse of her, disappearing out of sight up on the second floor, and a faint golden glow from the direction she was going.

"Hey, wait up! Maria, please, come back here!"

No use, I couldn't even stop Haruhi from chasing one of those things after all. I ran up the stairs and to the left. When I reached the hallway I caught just another glimpse of her disappearing from sight. Damn, this kid is pretty fast. This hallway should take me right to…

Yeah. I couldn't exactly afford to stop, and unceremoniously leapt over Jessica's corpse as it blocked the hall, past the room where Natsuhi's body still lay sprawled on the bed.

…

Wait, what?

I skidded to a stop, and doubled back. Kanon's corpse was no longer in the room, but the bloodstain where he had lain was there. What the hell? Did somebody come and hide one body but not the others? Gyah, no time for this now, I have to go!

Down a few more hallways, up a few flights of stairs. Finally, I reached what must've been the end of the line. Through a large door that was hanging ajar, Maria had finally stopped inside. Lying around the room were the bodies of everyone else, just like Shannon said. Eva, Hideyoshi, Dr. Nanjo and Gohda. Stakes were piercing their bodies in various places – Stomach, leg, chest, and knee. Not all of those injuries looked fatal, but it also appeared they had been shot, possibly by the guns. The room was in disarray, with things knocked off of shelves, a few bullet holes in the walls.

Maria stood in the center of the room, transfixed by the single golden butterfly floating within. It floated around for a few moments, and then was joined by more of its kin which swirled around and took the form of Belphegor again. This time her temple was bandaged up and she had a sling around one arm. Hah.

"Uuuu… You're not Beatrice-sama…"

"That's right. I'm just furniture for her. But don't worry; you'll be able to meet her real soon! Just let me take care of this pest first."

Maria jumped and clapped for joy. The poor kid must be living in one hell of a fantasy world if she's really excited by something like that. Well, I guess this place could be considered a fantasy world, but that's beside the point.

"So you want to fight again. Didn't you get enough the first time around?"

I'm totally bluffing, by the way. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice. Although if she's hurt that bad, then maybe….

"Shut up. You've insulted my honor, human, and I want my revenge. All my sisters are laughing at me, and I'm going to be stuck doing the crap jobs forever!"

"It looks like your arm is broken; are you really planning to fight in that condition? I mean if I did that with just one blow, who knows what will happen. Even if you're a murderous bitch, I don't want to kill you."

"Aww, how chivalrous of you. Thanks for caring. But you're right. I won't' be fighting you like this. My honor is less important than getting the job done. So I'll let them do all the work for me. "

Me and my big mouth. She snapped her fingers and a bunch of figures swirled into existence around the room. They were big, humanoid, and wearing suits, but had the heads of black, horned goats. Like an odd, clothed Minotaur, I guess. Crap, there are a lot of them. Is this really something I can fight?

I took a few steps back, curtain rod at the ready, but my question was answered for me when one of them picked up the large table in the room and whipped it at me with inhuman strength. I was still standing in the door, and with a step back the table smashed into the frame harmlessly, unable to fit through. But holy crap; if any one of those things gets a hold of me, it'll break me into a hundred pieces!

These monsters were much more deserving of the title "Demon".

"You'd better start running. These guys could use a good work out. And don't worry. Maria will be safe with me."

The goat-men slowly began advancing towards the door. I took a quick glance at Maria, who was staring at me with the sort of evil, murderous glee you so rarely see on the face of a 9 year old. Guess there's no choice. I turned and ran.

_I'm sorry._

Back down the hallway I came from. I had barely gotten 20 feet from the door when there was a resounding *CRASH*, and one of the goat men charged through, plowing through the table that had landed in the doorway and reducing it to splinters.

_Go, go, GO!_

I leapt down the stairs leading to the second floor, and nearly broke my legs in the process. I have to run, but I can't get too ahead of myself either. As I ran down the hall, I saw more goat men starting to materialize in some of the side rooms. If they can do that, can I really outrun them? I have to keep going. I have to find…

Haruhi.

As I rounded the corner she was there, on her knees in front of Jessica's body. She was crying softly, but since my entrance into the hall had no element of subtlety to it, she immediately looked up and saw me.

"Kyon! Why'd you have to run off…? Did you find Maria… but, Jessica is… *Sniff*

I'm sorry Haruhi. I knew, and saw it happen, but didn't tell you. But now's not the time, and we don't have time to grieve either! The sounds of stomping footsteps and large shadows cast by demons weren't far behind me.

"Haruhi. Come on, we have to run. Now."

I quickly closed the distance between us, pulled her to her feet, and took off running before she had a chance to react."

"Kyon, wait! We can't just leave her like that! And Natsuhi too! What are we running from? And where's Maria?"

"I think Maria is fine, but it's the killer. The culprit. We have to run. "

"You're being chased by the killer? You know who it is? But then…"

Haruhi planted her feet and we ground to a halt. I turned back to see an expression I had never seen on her face before. Uncontained rage.

"Why are we running! It's the killer right! Then we need to confront them! Make them pay for what they've done. I'm the commander of the SOS Brigade, and I can't let anyone get away with these atrocities!"

Damnit, now's not the time for bravado! A fierce blue light burned in her eyes, and to see Haruhi like this was honestly pretty terrifying. The shadows and sounds of the goats were getting even closer, and I could feel more being summoned just out of sight nearby. Haruhi began to advance in the opposite direction, so I grabbed her pretty roughly and pushed her against the wall. Haruhi, I beg you. Please, listen to me just one more time.

"Haruhi. Believe me. If we try to confront the killer, we will both **die.** It's over. We didn't solve the mystery and couldn't save anyone. I'm sorry for getting your hopes up earlier, but we still have a chance to survive right now, and maybe even solve the mystery later. And I don't know about you, but I don't plan to die without ever tasting another cup of Asahina-san's tea! The others are waiting for us back home, you know."

Haruhi stared at me with her mouth open for a moment, before the anger on her face vanished and she nodded silently, tears returning to her eyes. We both took off running again, as I heard the crash of one of the hallway doors opening and goat men beginning to poor out.

We made it to the stairs, down to the gruesomely painted portrait of Beatrice the golden. Her portrait had taken on a much more sinister expression, and seemed to be laughing wildly. We made it to the grand main entrance doors, and threw them open. The gray skies and relentless storm greeted us; the typhoon that sealed off the island from the rest of the world seemed like it would never end.

I took a second to confirm the location of our pursuers. The goats had made it to the top of the stairs now and were beginning to make their way down. Worse, I could see shadows of movement in the rooms to the side of the entry hall. Almost surrounded. Only escape is outside. But is there really anywhere to go on this island? Could we outrun them? Unless I… I suppose that might be the only chance. Damnit.

"Huh? Kyon, what are you talking about? I don't see anyth-Aaaah!"

Haruhi was off balance, and I took the chance to roughly push her out the door. She stumbled forward a few steps, tripped, and rolled onto the cobblestone outside.

"Ow! Kyon, what the hell are you doing!"

"Haruhi. Go. Just run. Go into the forest, run as far and as long as you can. Keep running for as long as you can. If you can survive long enough, I promise that Koizumi or Nagato will come to wake you up from this nightmare."

"W-what? Kyon… Don't you dare! I thought I told you! The commander of the SOS Brigade will never leave her subordinates behind!"

"In that case, consider this my official resignation from the SOS Brigade."

The look on her face hurt more than any knife wound I'd ever taken. To think that would be my final glimpse of her as I closed the doors and quickly jammed my curtain rod in between the handles, barring them.

"Kyon you bastard! You idiot! You can't quit! Not in a million years! Membership is for life! I thought you wanted Mikuru's tea! What's the point if we don't' get out of this together? I'm supposed to be the selfish one here… Kyon, please…"

Haruhi was banging on the door, trying to get it open while screaming at me, even if it was half broken up by sobbing. Damnit. Please, just run. I tried to tune her out, and turned to meet my fate.

The goats completely filled the room now, and had formed a semicircle around me. It was truly a demonic army, cutting off all avenues of escape with no chance of surrender or victory. Belphegor was floating above the portrait of Beatrice, watching with a silent delight. Oh well. I've made my bed, now I have to sleep in it.

The goat men stood still, just watching. They seemed to be waiting for me to make the first move. It's hard to read the expression on a goat, but if I had to take a guess, it would be one of hunger. So what's holding them back?

*BANG*

A deafening sound, a flash of a blue light, and a spray of red. The head of one of the goats on the far right of the circle, blocking the entrance to a side hallway, simply exploded. The corpse fell down to reveal Battler standing behind it with a shotgun. Guess even demon's can be killed by something like that. The rest of the goats seemed too shocked to stop him as he casually made his way into the room and over towards me.

"Useless. You're totally useless, Kyon. Seriously, I guess I didn't expect much, but we didn't even make it through the second day. Oh well. This was a nice diversion in its own way."

Yeah, thanks for the save, but you don't have to be a jerk about it. Say uh, how many bullets do you have for that thing?

"Not enough, that's for sure. When you're going to die either way, going out like this can be fun, right?"

Battler was already loading another shell into the gun. I wouldn't go so far to say this was fun, but he has somewhat of a point. If there's a chance at least Haruhi can get out of here if I stall them here, than something this suicidal has its worth. I noticed she had stopped banging on the door and shouting for awhile now, so hopefully she did the smart thing and decided to run. I slipped my curtain rod out of its job as a door jam, and readied my final defense.

"Aww look. The two humans are ready for the final sacrifice. Well go on then. Show us the true power that humans can possess!"

Belphegor taunted us from above. Guess this is it. I'm sorry everyone. I can't really say I did a good job in getting here. But wasn't this unsolvable from the beginning? There's no point in a murder mystery where the killers are a bunch of demons. To throw us into a tale like this – You might as well just say instead of finding that decrepit mansion, we fell down a pitfall and died. The end result will probably be the same. Well, maybe I broke Haruhi's fall. Ah, what a stupid metaphor.

Good grief.

"You ready for this?

"Yeah. Let's do this."

With a nod to Battler, I let out a primal scream of fury and we both charged into the pits of hell.

* * *

><p>Enjoy your eternal rest, Kyon.<p>

Nobody can say you did not deserve your fate.

You have failed to solve even the most basic of mysteries.

Your arrogance and pride has led your sacrifice to be in vain.

The eyes of a liar cannot pierce the lies of the witch.

Everyone on the island is dead.

**When the Seagulls cry, there are no survivors. **

* * *

><p>Results of the first game:<p>

Ushiromiya Krauss  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Crucified on the crux of Beatrice's resurrection. Is the symbolism important, or just a cheap trick?

Ushiromiya Rudolf  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Crucified on the crux of Beatrice's resurrection. Is the symbolism important, or just a cheap trick?

Ushiromiya Kyrie  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Crucified on the crux of Beatrice's resurrection. Is the symbolism important, or just a cheap trick?

Servant Kumasawa  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Crucified on the crux of Beatrice's resurrection. Her only appearance in this story was that of a corpse. Can such a minor character even be acknowledged?

Servant Genji  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Crucified on the crux of Beatrice's resurrection. Is the symbolism important, or just a cheap trick?

Ushiromiya George  
>Died at the first twilight.<br>Crucified on the crux of Beatrice's resurrection. The death of the son drives the mother to a rage. The truth beyond human understanding stops her, and nobody can see why.

Ushiromiya Natsuhi  
>Died at the second twilight.<br>Pierced through the head by the "Stake of Asmodeous" Redemption equals death; her end comes after she confesses her sins to her daughter.

Ushiromiya Jessica  
>Died at the second twilight.<br>Pierced through the forehead by the "Stake of Beelzebub". A murder witnessed scars more deeply than discovering a corpse.

Servant Kanon  
>Died at the fourth twilight. Chest gouged by the "Stake of Mammon". He took a stake meant for Jessica's heart, but his corpse vanished, as if to spite his sacrifice.<p>

Ushiromiya Eva  
>Died at the fifth twilight.<br>Forehead gouged by the "Stake of Satan".

Ushiromiya Hideyoshi  
>Died at the sixth twilight.<br>Belly gouged by the "Stake of Lucifer".

Doctor Nanjo  
>Died at the seventh twilight.<br>Knee gouged by the "Stake of Belphegor".

Servant Gohda  
>Died at the eighth twilight.<br>Leg gouged by the "Stake of Leviathan".

Ushiromiya Rosa.  
>Missing at the ninth twilight.<br>She went in search of her daughter, but could not keep up with the two outsiders. She was not to be seen again; but Battler had her gun?

Servant Shannon  
>Dead on the tenth twilight.<p>

She died from her injuries. Falling from a third story window is the sort of thing that can kill you slowly without a doctor's attention.

Ushiromiya Maria  
>Missing on the tenth twilight.<p>

Welcomed into the golden land by Beatrice. Not a single trace of her corpse could be found.

Ushiromiya Battler  
>Dead on the tenth twilight.<p>

Torn apart and devoured by demons. A fate suffered ten thousand times loses meaning after awhile. But as predicted, that spark of hope only brought him more pain.

"Kyon"  
>Dead on the tenth twilight.<p>

Torn apart and devoured by demons. He thought he had what it took to be a detective. He was wrong. He thought he had what it took to be a hero. He was wrong. He does however, make an excellent hamburger.

Suzumiya Haruhi  
>Missing on the tenth twilight.<p>

Vanished into the mists of the Rokkenjima, never to be seen again. No body was found; no evidence she was ever once on the island. Can it really be said that she was there at all?


	7. Bonus: Tea Party

"Ah. Here you go, Kyon-kun. More tea?"

Thank you very much! Truly such a wonderful and magnificent privilege. Going without for so long is almost like having withdrawals, but I must be careful not to shamelessly gulp it down like a man dying of thirst and instead delicately savor each and every wonderfully divine sip!

"Ehehe. I'm glad you like it"

Asahina-san, just being in the presence of your radiant beauty could make even muddy water taste like the finest earl grey, but this brew truly does deserve all praise and the entire extent of the thesaurus I can heap upon it.

"Indeed, this is quite delicious Asahina-san. Thank you."

Koizumi nodded his appreciation before enjoying the tea himself. Bastard doesn't appreciate it nearly enough as he should.

"That was quite an interesting tale, don't you think?"

Interesting? Is that the word you want to use for it? Yeah right. If I had to sum everything that had happened with one word, I think I'd pick "Bullshit".

"Now now. I'm not sure if I would go that far. So the story didn't turn out to be the same as we thought. I don't think that means the whole ordeal was entirely pointless."

You're one to talk; you just sat on the sidelines and watched the whole time! And you weren't even able to offer me any actually useful advice. Face it, this whole game was rigged from the start.

"Incorrect. While from your perspective it can be explained as the process being "rigged", it is likely the mistake in perspectives comes from an initial mistake regarding the functions and purpose of this space."

I get what you're saying Nagato, but isn't that just a matter of semantics? Even if we were confused about the genre in the beginning, it's the authors fault. Wouldn't you be pissed off if you bought a book expecting a regular mystery and it turned into this magic flinging mess halfway through?

"Perhaps, but even a story like that has its own merits, even if it wasn't what you were expecting. If you don't mind me saying, I think you were very cool, giving what you had to deal with it. Lines like "Don't you dare touch her." And "I'm the lowest ranking member of the SOS Brigade". Stuff like that really gets a girl swooning with delight, don't you think so?"

There was a small crash and an "Eek!" as Asahina-san accidently knocked over one of the tea cups. She seemed to be blushing furiously for some reason.

"I was able to decode some of the reality variables, and manipulate several situations slightly in your favor. For instance, I significantly increased the attack data of your curtain rod."

So that's what happened. Thanks Nagato. Looks like I owe you my life again. Well, it didn't save me in the end, but for that part at least.

"It's quite regrettable that it ended the way it did, but you managed the best you could with what you had."

Hey, that really hurt you know. Next time, why don't we trade places – you can be the main character and I'll be the smartass observer instead.

"I really don't think that's a role I can fill, unfortunately. In any case, it looks like we've solved the mystery of Rokkenjima. I believe we can all agree on who the culprit really was.

Yep. It was demons. Those goat guys, the stake sisters. Even though I never saw her myself, it's not much of stretch to assume that Beatrice was the one controlling them all from behind the scenes. Magical murders are pretty stupid, but what are you going to do?

"My analysis indicates all murders were performed by localized spatial data disruptions, capable of minor acts of data alteration limited to the space they were in."

Yeah, I'm going to just call them demons. No matter how you explain it Nagato, it doesn't make a difference to a guy like me. Any really high level of technology like that is pretty much indistinguishable from magic anyways.

"Um, well. I tried to watch everything, but it was kind of hard to follow what was going on. But if you guys say it was just magic, than okay!

Oh Asahina-san! Whatever change happens between now and when you become your future self, I hope it isn't soon. You're perfect just the way you are now! In fact, I think I might've been able to find the courage to get out of that situation much earlier if I had been protecting you instead!

"So that's it then. Case closed. The Legend of the Golden Witch is just a grisly murder spectacle by an ancient demon. I'm sorry for bringing everyone here in the first place, but we can close this chapter of the book and move on now."

Yeah. Let's get out of here and never look back.

…

…

…

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Haruhi, who had been silent with her head in her hands this entire time, finally spoke up.

"What are you talking about? Magic? Demons? Witches? You really expect me to believe something stupid like that?"

What are **you **talking about Haruhi? Weren't you paying attention at all? There's no way any of these murders could be done by a human.

"Idiot! Did you stop thinking entirely? How can you accept this? That some evil creature powerful enough to do this really exists? "

"In this data space, the definition applied to any given meaning of the term "exists" is vague enough to be considered meaningless."

Haruhi, I think you need to just take a deep breath and calm down for a second.

"Calm down? Calm down! Kyon, you abandoned me! You left me out there by myself while you tried to sacrifice yourself like an idiot! How could you even… And here you are, just sitting here like this was all just a stupid game! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Suzumiya-san, if you just stop and think for a minute, I'm sure you can see why we-

"No! I won't! I won't accept this; I can't accept anything like this! George, Maria, Jessica, everyone's deaths, all just a sick game? No! This isn't happening, IT"S NOT REAL!"

There was an explosion of force, and every window in the room shattered. The peaceful and calm sky that had set the mood for this tea party immediately turned a sickening blood red, and a powerful wind blew into the room. This peaceful resolution was quickly becoming dangerous. Haruhi, come on! You've always been looking for strange and mysterious things haven't you? Isn't that the whole purpose of the SOS Brigade? What's your problem!

"No! Not like this! Never anything like this! I can't, I won't!"

There was a loud ominous clash of thunder, and the ground began to rumble beneath us. With a sickening crack, before anyone could react fast enough to do anything, the floorboards split open beneath Asahina-san's feet and dropped her in roiling inferno.

Her earsplitting shriek of terror and pain nearly destroyed any sentient thought I had left.

"No no no! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

What the hell is going on! The shaking had increased, the wind had become an almost deafening roar, and bright streaks of lightning lit the sky in every direction.

"Haruhi Suzumiya's denial is attempting to rewrite the structure of the local reality. Error: Program cannot write. Structure cannot be found. Anti-security rejection %ddddd&vvvvvaas4444SOS1133$#####34…,.help….%(8*)%%$*#$&*"

After spewing that line of incomprehensible gibberish, there was an electric zap and popping sound, like an overcharged circuit. Nagato went blank and stood perfectly still, until a strong wind blew –seemingly light as a feather, she fell to the ground and shattered into a million pieces, like the porcelain doll she's always appeared to be.

Nagato! I tried to run to her, but my legs were as heavy as anvils. I tried to call out, to scream, to cry, but my voice stuck in my throat like molten lead. Koizumi, looking more terrified than I'd ever seen him, started dashing towards Haruhi from across the room.

"Suzumiya-san! Please, stop this! A closed space won't form here, it's impossible! Please, you have to- GYAH!"

Before Koizumi could reach her, large think chains made of barbed steel shot from the wall, wrapping themselves around his legs, his arms, his chest and his neck. Those demonic chains started dragging him back towards the wall screaming, like they were reeling in a prize catch.

"No! I won't! I can't! No! It's not real!

Koizumi's screams ended with a sickening crunch and splattering sound, and the heavy chains ground parts of him into paste.

"Haruhi, I… you have too… "

I suddenly found myself falling, as if a decent portion of my legs were no longer there. Haruhi saw what was happening, snapped out of her mantra and screamed at the sight of me, diving to catch me in her arms.

"Kyon! No, you can't! Don't you dare! I forbid it! Just stop, please!"

Haruhi… why did everything feel so heavy? I just want to go to sleep now. I saw my hand reach up to her tear streaked face and cup it gently. This is okay too, right?

"Haruhi, I-"

My sentence was cut short as I watched the flesh slough off my fingers, straight down to the bone, leaving a bloody streak down Haruhi's cheek. Huh. I couldn't even feel it. Weird.

"No, no. Kyon, you're going to be alright. Okay? Please? Come on, you have to be. It's okay. Remember what you told me? This is all just a dream, right? It's just a nightmare and we have to wake up, okay? We're going to wake up and everything will be fine, we'll be in the cabin and having tea and please… Kyon!"

Haruhi desperately tried to cling onto my disintegrating flesh, bawling and begging. That face of yours right now isn't all that attractive, Haruhi. I can even see your snot dripping. Damnit. I feel so tired. Everything is getting so dark. I'm sorry, but I think I'm just going to go ahead and take a nap. You can wake me up when it's all over.

The last thing I remember was a scream from Haruhi that could make even the gods take note, and brilliant blue light filling the room.


	8. Bonus: ? ? ? ?

"So you're saying we might be able to stop the effects of entropy with something as strange as human emotions? Fascinating. This warrants discussion and looking into, but if this turns out to be true, you have our thanks, Voyager."

Bernkastel smiled as she watched the little space rat run off. This was a seed of despair that would take a long time to grow, but if she had judged the strange alien species correctly, it was one that would provide entertainment well worth the wait. Anything to stave off just a bit of that boredom.

"OOoh, Beern! You're so sexy when you casually ruin lives like that! Come on, I can't wait! I want to see what happens! What sort of horrible things have you just set into motion, huh?"

Lambdadelta glomped onto her from behind, savagely biting her earlobe, drawing blood. Geez, she sure could get impatient sometimes.

"Calm down, my little λδ. You'll just have to wait and see. Even I don't know what's going to happen next. "

"Argh! Fine! Where should we go next then, huh? A romantic vacation to the beach? Maybe just a seedy love hotel. Ooh, I know. ~~Pirates! Let's find a fragment with pirates in it; we haven't seen those for a long time!

Bernkastel escaped from her tormenters grip and thought about that for a moment. Pirates huh? Well, that might be a little interesting. But in reality, pirates were very boring, spending months at sea doing nothing at all. And in fiction, pirates were equally as boring, repeating nothing but the same tired clichés' popularized in _Treasure Island. _It would take considerable effort to find a fragment worth visiting.

…

Huh? What was that? A strange feeling assaulted her, like the tug of a distant memory in a far off place.

"Bern… do you feel that too? What is it?"

Interesting. Bernkastel shifted herself into the endless ocean of fragments. The stars of a 100,000,000,000,000^100,000,000,000,000 realities surrounded her. Time and space had no meaning here – all of everything could be accessible by her in an instant. That was the power of a Voyager witch.

Yes, it was definitely here. And the fragment it was coming from was something familiar, a playground for her and Lambdadelta long ago. Wait, it couldn't be, it's…

"Look Bern, its Rokkenjima! I never thought I'd ever see that dusty old board again, that brings back memories!"

Lamba had joined her in the ocean, and the pair floated around that fragment of reality which had entertained them so long ago. But there was something strange and different about it now. An immense power radiated from the fragment, strange and destructive, different from anything they'd ever seen while playing the game.

"I see. It looks like someone has finally stumbled into the spider's web I left so long ago."

"Oh Bern you didn't! You naughty girl, you deserve to be punished. I'm going to cover you in milk and honey and sugar and stuff you into a blender and make my very own Bern milkshake! And because it's you it'll be the most delicious milkshake ever, and I'll make my own Ice Cream Shoppe called "Bernkastekals" and you'll taste so good to everyone they'll never be able to eat regular ice cream again!"

"Oh? I think I'd just give everyone brain freeze. And besides, who says it's my fault? Maybe I just left the game running on repeat by accident, hmm?"

"You can't fool me you liar. You even gave the poor little Battler piece the ability to remember all of the repeats. And because he's just a piece, he's doomed to repeat over and over again and he'll never ever escape! Now where have I heard that before?"

"Oh, did I do that? Funny, I can't remember, it must've been a long time ago. And I've never heard a story like that in my life. But these newcomers, now that is actually interesting."

Yes… there were newcomers on the island. Outsiders who didn't belong. They weren't anyone's pieces, either. The game board of the Golden Witch was long over with. The witch was dead, the illusion shattered to pieces. All the truths had been revealed, there was nothing left to hide. The real Battler even managed to win his freedom – if you could call it that. But she had left the game running anyways in the hopes that something like this would happen.

Interesting. Very interesting. There was no mystery left to solve, no questions left unanswered, but she might be able to stave of boredom by tormenting some poor pathetic fools who had stumbled into the lion's den. And if not, there were always other realities to find.

"Ooh! We're really going to do it! Yay! This is going to be fun! It's nostalgia-rific, like pulling out an old Nintendo and hooking it up to your TV! People who dwell on the classics to excess are boring but revisiting them every once in awhile can be great!"

That's right… a nice trip down nostalgia lane. The game board was the same as ever, but with new players, you can still have a new experience.

Back to the fragment of Rokkenjima, to the date of October 4th-6th, 1986.

These mortals who dare trespass in the realm of witches will be crushed and made to beg for mercy.

This is my declaration, as Bernkastel. Witch of Miracles.

((END OF: "The Turn of Haruhi Suzumiya". FOLLOWED BY: "Counterattack of Haruhi Suzumiya"))


End file.
